Blood Rose~
by theDragonStar
Summary: Something is bothering Antoinette Skye Chandler-Quartermaine but the question is what. Secrets new and old are kept with in her walls, how will it all come out? What affects will it have on her, Jax, and others?
1. Default Chapter

Dearest readers, this story is a little strange starting from no exact point in the future. It starts out, well as you shall see and as I said, strangely. There is a reason for what I call her, and what she calls herself as you will understand later. There is also a reason for the way I wrote her nightmare, there is no real need for you to think upon that, only it's content as it will be important in the future. Now I must ask that you bare with me, if I post anything I write, which is rare, it has been a one time thing so starting a series is, and actually posting the first part obligating me to continue, is an even rarer thing but as I implied, patience will be needed as I tend to over work my work and with everything else I'm doing in my life the chapters will not be quick. This week is my Spring Break so I hope to get all my thoughts out in rough draft from therefore speeding up the finishing of chapters. Anyhow, I hope you enjoy my fic though I will warn you, how dark it will become or how light I don't know, but I tend to write more towards the dark.  
  
~theDragonStar~  
  
PS: I will occasionally put some lines from a poem or song at the end, and other times the beginning. They sometimes will have a meaning which you'll see related to the fic, but more likely simply no meaning at all, just me sharing something that caught my eye, or ear as the case may be.  
  
PPS: See Ani, I do know how to share!  
  
~Blood Rose~  
  
Her lips were red, her looks were free,  
  
Her locks were yellow as gold:  
  
Her skin was as white as leprosy,  
  
The Nightmare Life-in-Death was she,  
  
Who thicks man's blood with cold.  
  
(from:Coleridge, Samuel Taylor: The Rime of the Ancient Mariner)  
  
Prologue:  
  
A gentle breeze crept through an open window  
  
Soft white draperies rippled upon the air  
  
A crystal chime's music played in silence  
  
Smell of open sea had long ago seeped in  
  
Bed dressed in white stood strong by a wall  
  
Posts like twisted spears at each corner  
  
Yards of lace fell down between  
  
All was white with delicate care  
  
And all was red with deep blood  
  
It dripped down the walls  
  
Soaked deep into the bed  
  
1 Trickled in streams on hard-wood floors  
  
Settled in pool around a lonely figure  
  
Child pale as pearls, hair of flaming color  
  
Alone she stood still clad in cloud's silver  
  
Not once her lips moved nor eyes fluttered  
  
White rose held out dipped in red  
  
The lost echo of a cry penetrated from her slim body  
  
It was the mournful call of a ghost  
  
A ghost far from being dead  
  
Antoinette sat up in her bed reaching out for air. Her chest heaved in effort, she could fell her heart pounding, and upon her checks there was a multitude of tears.  
  
In her minds eye she could still see the blood which seemed to come forth out of the very walls, she could feel a chill wind upon her, smell the salt air mixed with the smell of death. She knew that scene far to well, she knew how it began and how it ended. She knew it far to well for it to be a simple nightmare.  
  
"Skye, honey what's wrong?" Her partner asked beside her. She closed her eyes as if to blot him out. "Skye, talk to me, what is it?" "Nothing Jax, just a nightmare, go back to sleep."  
  
Unfortunately, he would not just let the matter be.  
  
"Skye, come on, I know it's more than a simply nightmare. You haven't been sleeping right for weeks."  
  
That was true enough, sleep had not been with in her grasp for the past few weeks but that was not unusual, at least for her.  
  
"It's just stress, happens all the time when I'm trying to do too much at once, I'll be fine, go to sleep."  
  
He knew she was telling a lie, that in all reality she'd been having a less stressful time of late, or should have been if not for her sleepless nights, but something in her tone when she spoke the last few words bore a warning not to push and a plead to let it be. So he did.  
  
And regretted it later. 


	2. Chapter 1

Dearest readers, again this is short, but most likely they we all be more short then comparatively long, but at least you're getting something so don't complain G.  
  
~theDragonStar~  
  
~Blood Rose~  
  
I left those shadows right there right then,  
  
And I turned around to start again,  
  
Yet every time I visit this place  
  
The reflections are there, not to be replaced  
  
(From Saffer, Daniel R.: Reflections)  
  
Chapter 1:  
  
Dressed in an airy white skirt with a red rose print and a matching red tank top Antoinette stared at her reflection in the full-length mirror. She touched one of the roses on her skirt and closed her eyes. She could see a black vase in her mind, full of red roses, almost. One rose was different, different only in color, for it was white. As she imagined the arrangement to every detail it changed; the water was no longer clear but became red. The roses absorbed the colored liquid, which rose up the long steams and impossibly poured fourth from the petals. The one white rose quickly became no longer white, but red.  
  
Red with blood.  
  
"Skye? You ready?"  
  
Antoinette jumped at the sound hastily shaking the image from her mind. "I'll be right down!"  
  
With a final look at her haunted reflection, Antoinette headed down the stairs of the townhouse she shared with Jax.  
  
Jax looked up hearing her on the stairs and smiled as she appeared. His smile faltered slightly. She's so pale, Jax thought to himself as he watched Skye near the bottom step. Suddenly Skye gave a slight cry grabbing the banister with one hand as if to prevent a fall.  
  
Jax leaped to her side lifting her up in his arms before she could protest.  
  
"Put me down," she requested softly as she headed towards the couch. Jax looked down at her, her eyes begged him to follow her request but he didn't. Instead he continued to the couch laying her down on its cushions.  
  
She immediately moved to stand up but he pulled her back down.  
  
"Jax what are we doing, we have to go."  
  
"You almost collapsed and you want to just go like nothing happened?"  
  
"Nothing did happen, so a slightly painful cramp took me by surprise, I think I'll survive," she did her best to sound sarcastic.  
  
Jax looked down at Skye knowing that she wouldn't admit to it being anything but nothing and that she would continue to the 4th of July picnic with or with out him. She'd been increasingly stubborn as of late as well as closed off. He could either walk into a fight with her only to find him bared by more walls in the end or let it go and have the chance to remain close to her. After what had just happened no matter how minor a happening it was claimed to be, he was not about to leave her side. Things often were not as they seemed with Skye. It was good that he had learned this about her.  
  
Very good, so it proved. 


	3. Chapter 2

~Blood Rose~  
  
Two years gone, except for moments  
  
in the rain. Moments of days or  
  
weekends or even weeks, but still  
  
only moments. Always ending.  
  
Always holding their breath,  
  
waiting for the certain end.  
  
Now you are here.  
  
(From Mohanray, M.A.: With Ocean Waiting Below)  
  
Chapter 2:  
  
Antoinette stood at the bow of the small speedboat as it rushed towards Spoon Island. Today was meant to be full of socializing, eating, and at night fireworks were to be set off from a launch in the water. She hoped to make it through the day, she felt she could collapse at any passing moment if her will didn't hold out.  
  
Selfish.  
  
That would be the word her mother would have called her for hiding away the pain but she didn't see how that could be called selfish. She hide what she hide because she didn't want to cause anyone worry, to burden them with her problems.  
  
A slight pain spread from her lower abdomen and she leaned over slightly, bracing herself with a hand on the railing. Today was not starting out a good day.  
  
She felt a presence behind her so she straightened, willing the pain to leave her.  
  
"You alright?" Jax whispered in her ear.  
  
"Mmhm," she sighed leaning into him.  
  
She had once told him she felt safe with him and she did. No matter what was going on Antoinette knew she could always count on his calming force. She was thankful for that but at the same time guilt plagued her for it, she knew that she was hurting him, he knew she wasn't being honest with him lately. She wished she could tell him it was for his own protection, not letting him in, but that was like asking for a disaster.  
  
Closing her eyes Antoinette breathed in deep, taking in the smell of the salty air. She had a great love for the sea, or rather used to. Now the sea air always bore something more, a presence of hatred, and fear.  
  
A shiver spread from the back of her neck spreading down her spine. "Not today, please not today," she whispered to herself, too softly for her partner to hear.  
  
Antoinette did not want to think of the past but at the same time recognized she wasn't allowing herself to forget wearing what she wore, being where she was.  
  
As Spoon Island loomed closer, Antoinette took a deep breath placing a smile on her pale face, becoming the image of happiness, hoping her recent haunts weren't revealed in her appearance.  
  
But hoping doesn't make things so. 


	4. Chapter 3

~Blood Rose~  
  
Let us, the Children of the Night,  
  
Put off the cloak that hides the scar!  
  
Let us be Children of the Light,  
  
And tell the ages what we are!  
  
(From Robinson, Edwin Arlington: The Children Of The Night)  
  
Chapter 3:  
  
Antoinette was aware of her partner's steady arm about her. Part of her was annoyed that he was obviously concerned about her falling after the almost fall at the Townhouse, she felt like pulling away to prove a point. However, another part of her was grateful, and she didn't want to push him away, she liked having him close. Besides, it wasn't like he was being obvious, pestering her with constant questions of her well-being, he knew better. To any others his arm about her was nothing more than simple affection, it had become to be expected of the two to share a closeness. They were not obscene in displays but shared a comfort with being in each other's spheres that there was never a question of their intimacy. Those that had fought against their becoming a couple had come to respect their relationship even if they didn't like it, and all those that mattered were happy for the respective half.  
  
As they rounded Wyndemere, they happened upon the gathering. It was a private affair but with a large guest list filled with Cassadines, Spencers, all Gia's associates and their families from Deception, important employees and their families from General Hospital, which included the Quartermaine's obviously, as well as many others with connections of some sort or simply invited because of their prestige in the community.  
  
"Aunt Skye!" a happy voice cried out and Antoinette turned to see a very happy red head running towards her. Through some miracle AJ had gained part-custody of Michael allowing him to see his son regularly. Michael had been shy at first, as well as confused to suddenly having a whole new set of family members but had warmed up to them. He had bonded quickly with his father and new stepmother, Aunt Courtney, as well as his Aunt Skye. She had wondered if he had unconsciously picked up his father's preference for being around his redheaded sister unlike with the rest of the Quartermaines and had even mentioned it to AJ, but he voiced the belief his son was just smart and knew the best people to get close to.  
  
Michael grabbed his Aunt's hand and dragged her along talking a mile a minute, "Come on Aunt Skye, everyone is waiting for you and Uncle Jax!" Antoinette smiled to herself as Michael tried to drag her along. Michael had decided to call Jax 'uncle' all on his own some time ago, or so she thought. Unbeknownst to her, Ned had surprisingly remarked in Michael's hearing that he might as well call Jax 'uncle' because he most likely would have to someday, not that he necessarily liked the thought nor would voice it in her or Jax's hearing in case he gave the two ideas. After hearing this, Michael had been doing exactly that, which to everyone else's amusement immensely annoyed Sonny.  
  
As Michael pulled his aunt along chattering nonstop, he was hailed by another child. "Hey Michael come on! My mom's got sparklers!"  
  
Michael looked after the waving child then back at his Aunt, he look absolutely innocently torn at what to do. He could either abandon his Aunt and play with sparklers, or continue to drag her along to where everyone else was.  
  
"I think we can find our way, you go ahead and play," Antoinette smiled at him, shaking her head in amusement as he hugged her in relief and ran off to play.  
  
"He's so full of life isn't he? He's been through more than he knows at such a young age but at least he's happy, and alive."  
  
Jax looked at Skye as she watched a group of children run about with sparklers, not caring they were meant for when it was darker. There had been something in her voice when she'd commented he was alive, something he couldn't put his finger on. She seemed to carry a sadness as she watched the children play.  
  
He wondered if it had anything to do with what she was hiding, and filed it away for later thought. 


	5. Chapter 4

~Blood Rose~  
  
If I can ease one life the aching,  
  
Or cool one pain,  
  
Or help one fainting robin  
  
Unto his nest again,  
  
I shall not live in vain.  
  
(From Dickinson, Emily: If I can stop one heart from breaking,)  
  
Chapter 4:  
  
Antoinette found herself actually enjoying the gathering. She was sitting on a blanket leaning back against her partner's chest, head resting against the crook of his neck. Her eyes were kept closed as she took in the atmosphere about her.  
  
To her left she could hear Kristina and Courtney talking happily with the occasional cynical comment from AJ followed by a grunt that she imagined was the result of Courtney elbowing him. To her right Alan and Monica were discussing something of little importance with Bobbie and another voice she believed to belong to Scott Baldwin, she didn't care to check. In front of her she knew Ned and Alexis were sitting from the fact that they were talking with Jax. She had been taking apart of the discussions about her earlier but now she choose to rest and listen to the voices with out really hearing at all.  
  
"Aunt Skye? Are you sleeping?" a small voice whispered in her ear.  
  
"Mm?" was all the response she seemed to be able to manage.  
  
"Will you set off fireworks with me and Daddy when you wake up?"  
  
"Mmhm," she nodded her head as she turned slightly to snuggle into her partner's broad chest that she noted worked remarkably well as a pillow.  
  
"Alright, sleep tight Aunt Skye."  
  
Drifting away into darkness Antoinette felt a soft kiss on her temple as she became no more aware of anything.  
  
Michael stepped back from his sleeping Aunt, studying her with his innocent gaze. "Why isn't she any better?" he asked aloud, turning to look at his father.  
  
An uncomfortable quiet settled upon all those around as they turned to look at Michael, then Skye. AJ studied his son, not for nothing Skye had accredited him with being an observant child. "What do you mean Michael? Skye's just fine," AJ told his son with a smile, but Michael shook his head in defiance. "Then why is she so tired? You said it yourself to Aunt Courtney when we were at the zoo and Aunt Skye had to sit down while we went into the reptile house. You said she looked like death warmed over."  
  
AJ shifted uncomfortably. An observant child, observant and apparently blessed with a remarkable set of ears.  
  
Seeing her husband's struggle for a response, Courtney put on a bright smile for the child's sake and spoke. "Your Dad was just being his usual pessimistic self. You know your Aunt Skye works hard running a company and sometimes she gets tired, that's all. Now why don't you go play, it'll be a while before its time for fireworks."  
  
Michael nodded and turned to find some play but paused for a final question, "Aunt Courtney, what does pesiemisic mean?"  
  
The tense silence that had appeared dissipated with some laughter and smiles.  
  
"I'll explain it latter, now go play." The boy left and with no hesitation, the tense silence returned.  
  
Jax watched Michael leave, running off happily, then looked down at Skye. So pale, so week and quite, it was almost like looking down upon a sleeping stranger.  
  
Stealthily he moved wrapping an arm tight around her then kissed the top of her head. With out looking up at those around him he asked, "You've noticed." Though in all reality it really wasn't a question at all. He knew they had noticed a change in her wither they cared for Skye or not. Her recent paleness, quite manner, and never ceasing lack of energy was impossible not to notice. There was only one question to be answered. One.  
  
They had all noticed but none knew how to answer the one question. Skye was no ordinary person; there were walls and complications in everything about her as well in the one question, especially in it.  
  
What was there to be done about it? 


	6. Chapter 5

~Blood Rose~  
  
Down to the deepest depths I peered  
  
Until I spied the Runes  
  
With a roaring cry I seized them up  
  
Then dizzy and fainting, I fell.  
  
(From the The Poetic Edda: The Speech of the High One)  
  
Chapter 5:  
  
From afar anyone watching the group would think they were having a fine time engrossed in conversation, up a little closer you might have been obliged to notice from their faces it was possible a serious discussion, but if you were apart of the group you knew most defiantly the topic was serious as well as uncomfortable.  
  
Using her cool rational logic Alexis thought it best to speak first after Jax's statement of noticing Skye's recent behavior and appearance. "Well, of course we've noticed. Anyone who knows Skye's normal self or even heard of her would note a recent change. I know that I felt, and I'm sure that the same could be said for those here except for perhaps Alan and AJ, it was not my place to say anything. Skye and I have become capable of an understanding and friendly conversation but I seriously doubt she'd appreciate me commenting on her of late."  
  
"Alexis, get to the point. No. Allow me. You are all afraid she'll bite your head off, even though she'd probably be too tired to do so, if you say anything."  
  
"That's not true. I'm not afraid of Skye, I just figured, well that if anyone should say anything it ought to be you and if you weren't maybe you knew something the rest of us didn't." AJ claimed indignantly.  
  
"Oh that is such a load AJ. You might as well not lie, you're afraid of bringing Skye's wrath upon you just like everyone else." AJ glared over at his wife who glared back.  
  
"Well AJ does have a point. Skye is closer to Jax than any of us," Alan said unsuccessfully hiding a hint to his tone of a wish to be closer with his daughter.  
  
Jax laughed lightly, but with no amusement in it.  
  
"You might as well admit none of you wanted to say anything because you know full well what her reaction would be. For those of you not close to her, you'd good a good earful and more distance would be put between a thought to friendship, and you certainly don't want Skye as you enemy. As for the others of us," Jax let out a defeated sigh, "we know she'd push away and add more walls. I've tried to approach the subject but she doesn't want me to. She's put up all these walls I'd thought were long gone between us."  
  
"So knock them back down, you got to her once."  
  
"You know it's not that simple AJ. Lately I've started wondering if there are more walls know then there ever was. I try to push a little and she pulls farther away. I'm afraid. Afraid for her if I don't push but afraid that if I do she'll pull so far back while pushing me away that I wont be there when she needs me. She almost fell today, on the stairs."  
  
"And you didn't take her to the hospital?" Alan asked angrily.  
  
"So you'd rather I do what? Drag her their by force and when we get there she claims to something than is no big deal and refuses to unnecessary tests. The only thing I would have succeeded in doing was making her furious. Is that what you want?"  
  
"It's better than just doing nothing! Now don't get me wrong Skye is not my favorite person though I've actually begun to see her a little differently since she's been with you but this is ridiculous. You can't seriously just stand there and watch her go through whatever this is."  
  
"You know Kristina for one supposedly so insightful into everyone I don't think you've yet to figure Skye out. Were you not listening to what I said? I am doing something! I'm restraining myself so I can be there; she knows I'm here if she'd just open up. The thing that confuses me the most she's knows what's wrong. If she was coming down with some sickness she didn't know about she might not like hospitals but she'd let me take her there. She knows though, she knows what's wrong and despite the physical symptoms I don't think it has anything to do with an illness and I don't think any of you do either. Something is bothering her that's causing stress, something that's making her wake up every night from nightmares or sometimes never even being able to fall asleep. There's something going on that's making her put up her walls and wont let me in or anyone else. Sometimes I just want to reach out and shake her, scream at her to tell me but that's most defiantly one of the worst ways to try and get through to her if she's trying to keep you out. Even if she let something slip in lashing out anger it would be only harder to get anything more out of her."  
  
Jax had forgotten that the subject of his outbreak was sleeping against his chest as he'd let his voice rise. It was frustrating not knowing how to get through to the one you love, to watch them go through something you didn't understand and that had had it's own toll on Jax. Only when he felt a slight jerk against him did he once again realize where Skye was in relation to himself. Her entire body had gone tense; her mouth moved uttering a whisper he couldn't understand but knew was a cry against something.  
  
"Skye? Skye honey wake up, come back to me," Jax moved her so was lying down him next to her. Those around exchanged worried glances while AJ hurried to Skye's other side.  
  
"Skye wake up, come on its AJ."  
  
But she didn't wake up and Jax knew she wouldn't. For some reason unknown to him it was impossible to wake Skye up from her nightmares. It was almost like she herself locked the door trapping her inside till the unseen door could no longer restrain her. He'd been beside her awake enough times to know that when Skye dreamed, her body becoming tense and the occasionally short movement was only the beginning.  
  
Antoinette stood at the oceans shore, the water lapping over her feet. She was both apart of herself and at the same moment separate, seeing her own image standing barefoot upon the sand as one would see another. She was different some recess of her mind told her. Her hair was long, much longer than it should be, as well as curly instead of straight. Her face was younger, less worried and haunted.  
  
She closed her eyes, smiling to herself. She loved the ocean, the smell of the salt air, the sounds of the waves breaking on the sand, the cries of the gulls flying overhead, the laughter. Laughter?  
  
Antoinette opened her eyes and looked about her, in the distance she though she could see a figure dancing, calling to her, laughing. Gathering up her flowing white skirt she ran across the beach, ran towards the elusive figure.  
  
'Don't go, please stay,' her mind called out, but it was no use.  
  
Above her she was aware of the harmless gray hues of the sky deepening, becoming a dangerous black. She was aware of the wind picking up, racing about her in great gusts and wails. She was aware of the rain as it poured down upon, striking her skin, soaking her to the bone.  
  
The rain was not all that fell.  
  
Petals from red rose poured from the sky with the rain, blanketing the sand and sea alike. She was running on a carpet of rose petals, her breathing ragged, uneven, she kept running, running, running.  
  
A bold cliff came up in front of her barring her way. She looked up it's rough face to the top where laughter was brought down by the wind. Not stopping to think she attacked the cliff face, climbing up it with bare hands and feet. Sharp rocks with jagged edges torn into her skin. Her own life-giving blood made the rock face slippery making progress harder but she kept going; she refused to stop.  
  
When at last she pulled herself onto the top she found herself on a long flat covered with wild grasses. As she hurried through the tall grass she was aware of the blades slicing into her like blades. It did not occur to her that petals from above and blades of grass like knives could not exist, that nothing in which she was could exist, to her it was real.  
  
Ever elusive, calling to her and full with laughter the figure ran, ran faster than she could ever hope to match.  
  
She fell.  
  
Not into the blades of grass did she fall but upon sand once again. Her chest heaving and heart racing Antoinette struggled to get up but she was sinking, sinking into the sand.  
  
"What do you want from me?" she screamed out across the land and the laughter changed. No longer sweet and innocent the sound of a man's laughter, deep and unmerciful reached her ears. She knew that laugh.  
  
Antoinette watched herself struggle out of the sand unto a bed of petals, she watched herself weeping pounded by drops of rain. But it was no longer rain, for rain was not red.  
  
Lifting up her hands to her eyes she could see the blood she tried to wipe it off, to rid herself of it but the task seemed unbearable impossible.  
  
In front of her a shadow loomed but she would not look up at it. She knew the face it bore, the horror of the glassy eyes. She willed herself to wake up, to be dragged far from this place, she pleaded to be gone, to suffer no more if just for now. She awoke.  
  
Jax watched Skye twist and turn, there were tears on her cheeks. "Come on Skye, wake up!" he growled at her, willing her to come back to him. All around him no one knew what to say or do. They were in shock watching them twist in turn while nothing could break her from her horror.  
  
They all jumped as they heard her scream, scream in a terror that shattered their hearts for her; it did not matter if they liked her, knew anything about her, or even possibly relate they knew that scream was a sound none should ever make awake or in dream.  
  
She awoke.  
  
Jumping back from her partner and brother, Antoinette pulled herself up, backing away from the circle of concern.  
  
Someone was saying something to her, trying to sooth her but she couldn't piece it together, her mind was a mass of confusion, nothing made sense.  
  
Slowly things became clearer, the figures in front of her focused, became recognizable. For a moment everything fell into place in her mind, full comprehension of everything that had just happened was with in her grasp, but only for a moment.  
  
Antoinette swayed a little as a giant wave of dizziness came upon her, everything spun, everything went black. 


	7. Chapter 6

~Blood Rose~  
  
So if you keep a hiding place,  
  
It's probably in your heart.  
  
You will keep inside forever this space,  
  
Of the darkness of wishing to start.  
  
(From Hiding Places: Saffer, Daniel R)  
  
Chapter 6:  
  
When Jax had watched in seemingly slow motion Skye sway and collapse he'd been the first at her side, catching her before her head touched the ground. He'd lifted her up and gotten her to a speedboat joined by Alan and AJ while the others took to other boats so as not to crowd the space. AJ had taken the wheel while Alan called to make arrangements for an ambulance to meet them at the docks.  
  
Not married to Skye, Jax was not allowed to come in the ambulance so he'd been forced to let go of her. Besides, Alan could do better for her in the ambulance, what could he do? He hated feeling helpless.  
  
Now Jax paced back and forth in the waiting room. He vaguely acknowledged the fact that Alexis was speaking to him but what her words were he did not know. It wasn't until Alan walked up did he stop to concentrate on anything but his worry.  
  
"How is she?" Jax asked at the same moment AJ inquired, "What's wrong?"  
  
"She'll be fine, after a few blood transfusions, she's severely anemic but fine. Doctor Jenison's taken over, she thought it would be best since I'm close to Skye to let her take care of everything. But she's fine, a few days in the hospital, she'll be fine." He seemed unaware that he was being repetitive but regardless the information brought ease to all those presence. She was fine, just fine. At least that they knew.  
  
Antoinette opened her heavy eyes to look about her. With a quick glance around it was not hard to deduce she was in a hospital. She hated hospitals; she'd found herself in them far too often. There was a distinct smell to hospitals, a mixture of medicines, ammonia, life, and to the familiar, death.  
  
Antoinette did not need to wonder how she'd gotten there or what had happened; in fact she cared little about such questions. She only had one question, a question whose answer could have dramatic affects on what her next move in this life of hers would be.  
  
"Ms. Chandler-Quartermaine?"  
  
A tall brunette stepped in, a woman, a doctor, and a familiar face.  
  
"Do they-" Antoinette began to ask with out formalities or care for anything else but an answer to her dire question. Did they know?  
  
"No." The doctor was not happy to answer the unfinished question in a negative. She did not agree with her patient's wishes, but she was obliged to follow them.  
  
Antoinette closed her eyes, relaxing in relief, listening to what else the other woman had to say.  
  
"They would know if I had not been here knowing your wishes. It would be best if you told them now yourself." There was a wistful tone to her voice, if with little hope, she had come to know her patient well enough to know what the reply would be.  
  
"They will not be told."  
  
With a very heavy sigh the doctor sank into a chair along side the bed. "They need to know, it's only a matter of time. What do you plan on doing, disappearing so they never know?" The moment the words escaped her lips she knew that was the wrong question to ask this particular patient. "You're not are you?" she asked tentatively.  
  
"That is none of your concern Doctor Jenison. You are a doctor and I your patient, so long as I am capable of making my own decisions you are bond by to what I decide. Now what did you tell them?"  
  
"That you're anemic, which is true. We've already administered two units of blood and you will need more. Normally I'd have you stay about three days but with your additional condition-"  
  
"No. I will stay the night to give you time to administer how many more units I require. I will not stay with the chance my father or someone else I know will pick up my chart and discover anything else."  
  
"That wont happen, you had a CBC test revealing your anemia, it only shows your blood count. At least stay the three days, your father knows the policies and would more likely to suspect something if you signed yourself out against my orders."  
  
"Three days then, no more," Antoinette agreed, now was not the time to evoke any unnecessary concern; she already had damage control to do after that dream.  
  
With a sigh Doctor Jenison decided not to push, since meeting Ms. Chandler- Quartermaine she'd become well aware it was near impossible to bully her into anything. If she had her way this particular patient would be on extremely strict schedule containing lots of rest but she did not have that power as the patient knew far too well.  
  
"Shall I let them know you're awake?"  
  
Taking the cue from a nod, the doctor headed out stopping at her name.  
  
"Sheryl? Thank you."  
  
"Sure Skye, as much I as think you should tell them, sure."  
  
Antoinette heard the other woman leave; she had not opened her eyes once during the conversation. She was afraid she would have begun to cry, she'd already become emotional once during a conversation with Doctor Jenison and while that had the good affect of making the doctor feel kindly toward her, and take the extra step to fulfill her wishes even though she disagreed, she was not about to do it again.  
  
Feeling the beginning of a rather large headache, Antoinette sifted through thoughts of how to handle her visitors. They knew not the whole truth which made things easier, but she knew that after witnessing her behavior before collapsing, she could not keep the questions at bay for long. She had already been pushing it with Jax, keeping him too scared to say anything but she doubted that would work much longer. No, Antoinette had her work cut out for her in keeping her secrets, secrets were very hard work. 


	8. Chapter 7

~Blood Rose~  
  
It's all a bad dream,  
  
Spinning in your lonely head  
  
Welcome to my world she said,  
  
Separated world, she stayed separated  
  
(From 3 Doors Down: Down Poison)  
  
Chapter 7:  
  
Antoinette some how managed to survive the three days in the hospital. She had suffered endlessly at the hands of constant care and concern, no one seemed capable of understanding she wanted to be left in peace. Fortunately she was tired enough to sleep through most of her misery of being stuck in the extremely boring hospital bed. She knew she'd be on the receiving end of Jax's over attention and many visitors, she had no disillusions on that fact, but at least she would be home.  
  
As to her damage control, she marveled at her capabilities to handle what she had thought to be an enormous headache. With a simple, innocent question and few well chosen words she had made it immediately clear that her last memory was of falling asleep against him. No one could question her about her nightmare if they didn't think she remembered it. Of course Jax knew she'd been having other nightmares but he didn't want to do anything that might upset her, she knew how to master that fear to it's fullest.  
  
Antoinette hated using him that way, hated using his care for her but she refused to cause him the pain of the truth. It was her burden to carry.  
  
When they reached the townhouse, against her protests, Jax carried her inside the house and laid her on the couch. Antoinette was immediately joined by a slender feline. A Russian Blue, the young male held a regal air with his long legs and silky coat. "Hey Opacus," Antoinette hailed the feline from his perch on the back of the couch. Opacus squeezed his eyes in response then descended gracefully to curl upon her middle. Antoinette smiled to herself as he purred, he'd decided she was his favorite bed a few weeks before, not that she minded.  
  
Looking away from her small companion, Antoinette found Jax perched at the edge of the coffee table watching her for any sign that she needed to be whisked away back to the dreaded hospital bed.  
  
Antoinette was about to make a comment that he looked like a bird of prey studying its next victim when the doorbell rang. Jax went to answer it while Antoinette sighed, no doubt her first visitor. Who the visitor was, however, was completely unexpected.  
  
"Rae?" Antoinette went to get up only to have Rae hurriedly prevent it.  
  
"What are you doing here?"  
  
"To see you, what else?" Rae smiled down at her daughter, expertly hiding any worry or concern but being the image of encouragement. Antoinette groaned inwardly, she had not counted on having to deal with a bright and cheery Rae on top of everything else.  
  
"There really was no need," Antoinette outwardly smiled sweetly.  
  
"Of course there was, besides I missed you." Before it could be prevented Rae wrapped her arms about her daughter. When she pulled away there were a few tears in her eyes.  
  
"Why don't I go make you some tea," Rae obviously wanted to get away and regain her resolve. Trust Rae to be highly emotional while at the same wanting the be a rock of comfort.  
  
Antoinette watched Rae head down in search of the kitchen then turned to her watcher.  
  
"Jax, why don't you go help her."  
  
"You going to be ok?"  
  
"Yes! Now go."  
  
Flashing a smile and sincere annoyance Antoinette follow Jax with her eyes as he kissed her on the forehead and went to help Rae. The moment he was out of sight she got off the coach, displacing an unhappy Opacus, and slipped down the hall.  
  
In the kitchen Rae unsuccessfully searched for a kettle and some tea. Jax quickly went to the correct cabinet and pulled out the necessary items.  
  
"Thank you." Rae smiled at the man before her, it was easy to see he cared for her daughter, and that something was defiantly worried about her. "I'm Rae Cummings, obviously, I'm sorry for just breezing in with out introducing myself. You must be Jax."  
  
Jax nodded and smiled lightly at her. "That's alright, it's nice to meet you. I assume Alan called you?"  
  
Rae's smile faltered as she indicated yes with her head. "I would have been here sooner but some things can't be helped. How is she? I mean really, not the face of strength she shows."  
  
Rae watched Jax turn away and fill the kettle with water. "She's an expert at wearing masks isn't she?" With a sigh he looked up at nothing. "Honestly, I'm not sure how she is. Physically her doctor says that she'll be fine, a little rest perhaps, she'll need to watch her diet and keep up with the vitamins she was prescribed but-"  
  
"Your worried about her, reaction before fainting."  
  
"Alan told you," Jax looking at her.  
  
"He did. He also mentioned you didn't seem all that surprised. It wasn't the first time she dreamed like that was it?"  
  
Rae took note as Jax smiled ruefully to himself, looking away sadly then back at her. "No, while I would love to blame her tiredness all on her anemia-" Jax shook his head realizing how he worded that; he would love to blame her anemia. "I'm afraid she's been having bad dreams for quite awhile now. I just- I wish I could do something, I feel so helpless. I'm afraid to say something about her but if I don't- it just gets worse. I'm lost, she wont let me in, I just-" Rae was about to lay a hand on his arm to calm his out burst when he began pacing up and down. "I wish I knew what to do, the right words to say."  
  
"It'll be ok, I'll talk with her. She may not like it but I'm not going anywhere, maybe between the two of us we can get her to open up, to talk about whatever's eating her up inside."  
  
"Do you honestly think we can get through to her?"  
  
Rae smiled as he stopped to look at her, "I honestly think that it can only help."  
  
Antoinette pulled away from the doorway. "You're wrong mother, it can only hurt," she whispered to herself. Antoinette turned and silently made her way back to the couch. She had not counted on Rae's appearance; she knew Rae was not the type to just let things go, that she would push for the chance of getting through. Antoinette also knew herself, she knew that if she got angry enough she could very well let something slip, and a slip, no matter how small could be disastrous.  
  
As much as she hated to think it, as much as she never wanted to leave what happiness she had found, time did not wait for anyone and the time for her to go was drawing near. Indeed it might very well be upon her. 


	9. Chapter 8

Big Huge special thanks to my unofficial BETA, Renee (you know Renee I ought to just make it official, I'm already keeping you up all hours of the night G). I found out that some people had trouble finding the back chapters (be sure you read the prologue, it's very important for later!!) so I archived this at fanfiction.net as well. Oh, now some of you are probably wondering what happened to Rae and mother-daughter talks, well have faith in me, I now what I'm doing, sorta G.  
  
  
  
~Blood Rose~  
  
I'm sitting here now as I write this, on the edge of our bed watching you sleep. You've got a smile on your lips and your arms out stretched to where I should lay, but I'm not. I'm sorry.  
  
Do you remember our first kiss? I do. In the midst of all our games, the lies and deception for one glorious moment nothing mattered, all was left behind, and it terrified me. Do you remember our first night together? I do. After everything that had happened, out fights and anger for one wonderful night nothing mattered, all was left behind, and it terrified me. Am I being repetitive? I'm sorry.  
  
I'm smiling now, your talking in your sleep, you're so peaceful when you sleep, so unlike myself. We have a pattern you and I, a pattern that has often left my terrified, terrified as I am now. For the first time in my life someone wants to know me, wants to know every hurt, every scar, and every secret I possess. But I'm afraid I can't do that. No. I can, but I wont. I could tell you of every moment of my being and I have no doubt you would be absolutely wonderful. I could open myself to you, leave myself bare before you, I trust you that much, but as I said, I wont. I'm sorry.  
  
Why you may wonder. Simply this, I refuse. I refuse to put upon you my burdens, to give you to carry what is mine alone to carry and I refuse to relive my life for any reason. Is that selfish? I'm sorry.  
  
The sun is rising now; the light is streaming through our window and onto our bed, now yours alone. I'm telling myself I'll leave this letter for you to find and with a final kiss be gone. I know it probably doesn't matter to you but I'm crying and I'm sorry, so sorry. Sorry I ever dragged you into my existence, sorry to cause you one single tear of pain. Sorry.  
  
There is a robin outside now announcing the day with his beautiful song and telling me it's time to go now, time to disappear. I was once told that you have but one life to do with as you wish. Wouldn't it be nice if life were so simple, so wonderfully fair? But life is neither simple nor fair, we have but one life, one life to do with as you must and that I must do this, I'm sorry.  
  
(From: Chandler-Quartermaine, Antoinette: the letter)  
  
Chapter 8:  
  
Antoinette didn't know how much time passed as she wrote her letter; it had been dark when she began and now it was light. Folding the letter she placed it on her pillow where Jax would be sure to find it.  
  
Jax.  
  
Antoinette looked at her partner, her partner in the best chapter of her life. She reached out a hand and gently traced the curve of his face then down along his jawbone. She smiled, the smile of a thousand woes. Bending down she gave him one final kiss.  
  
"I love you," she whispered.  
  
Strange that the words came so easily, that they fit so perfectly. She had never spoken those words to him before and he never to her. Their feelings had gone unspoken, it had never seemed necessary to do so, to put into words what they felt. Perhaps it was for the best that they had never exchanged the words, now that she was leaving.  
  
Backing away slowly, careful not to make another noise, Antoinette left the room, their bedroom, and crept down the stairs. Through the door she went, closing it lightly, and out to her car. With a final glance at the second- story window, Antoinette got in and drove away, too afraid to look back.  
  
When Jax awoke later that morning he immediately knew something was wrong. Where Skye should have been there was only a bare, cold place, void of her figure. He sat up quickly and upon seeing the letter felt dread settling in. He tried to rationalize that everything was ok, that it was probably nothing, but he knew it was not so.  
  
He had to read the letter several times before comprehension truly began to take place. Jax swept through the entire house in a panic, finding that most of Skye's clothing and personal items were gone as well as her car. He sank into the couch, their couch, in a state beyond words. He still couldn't believe she was gone.  
  
Opacus jumped lightly onto his lap emitting a soft, pitiful mew. Jax ignored him, staring blankly at the opposite wall, for how long he did not know. What he did know was that sometime later an awful thought entered his mind.  
  
He never even said he loved her. 


	10. Chapter 9

Over the next few chapters I will include what is going on with our girl revealing some of the 'mysteries' as well as cover what everyone in Port Charles is doing in reaction to her departure. Time will pass at various intervals; sometimes the chapter will be brief, such as this one, to set you up for the next, while other times the chapters will be long covering very little actual time at all. I will veer off the normal point of views to bring in others, present flashbacks and do things perhaps unexpected or seemingly pointless. I ask you to have faith I do have a plan (some where in the confines of my mind G), and bear with me as with spring break over and many end of the year projects to do the chapters wont be out as quickly as you'd like.  
  
~Blood Rose~  
  
It was so hard to let it show,   
  
so hard to let  you  go   
  
Pay close attention to the scars   
  
Not to the lonely man caged in bars   
  
Turn away 'cause the feeling has died   
  
But before then, it was inside that I cried  
  
(From Inside that I cried, writer unknown)  
  
  
  
Chapter 9:  
  
A small beach house stood solemnly against a gray sky. Beyond it the Pacific's slow, rolling movement could be seen matched by all the proper sounds and smells. Dark and lonely the house had sat uninhabited for over a decade but that was about to change.  
  
Antoinette drove up a sandy road towards the house, stopping in front of it. Leaning back in her seat she sighed. It had been a long day of traveling and covering her tracks; she'd sold her car to a small dealership outside Port Charles, hoped long flights from Port Charles to Seattle under a name none would look for, then bought a new car to bring her here, to this secluded place, a place she never thought she'd return to.  
  
She had to force herself to get out of the car and ascend the old wooden steps to the front door. Bending down she loosened a familiar board so she could retrieve an old key suspended from a hiding hook. Antoinette inserted the key, turned, and paused. She had never thought she'd come back here, to this house filled with so many memories, memories she would rather forget.  
  
Pulling herself together she pushed forcing the stubborn door open and walked in to a room void of life.  
  
She made her rounds about the house quickly, opening windows to get rid of the stale air, checking to make sure the electricity, phone, and water had been turned on, as they should have been. The place was clean, she'd picked a good maid, and obviously taken care of. Any damage that would have occurred through storms or simple age had been attended to as needed; she'd seen to it that it been cared for through all the years that had passed. Silly that she'd held onto the place, that she paid for it to be kept up. A symbol perhaps that she never really had let go, that there were things here she didn't want to let go of, parts of herself and her past.  
  
Taking several trips from the car and back, bringing in her clothes, some food she'd picked up as well as other things she suspected she'd need. Well into the night she went about the house, putting things away. Though tired she dared not rest, it would be better if she pushed herself to a point where anything beyond the deepest sleep would be impossible. Strange she chose here to come to rest and hide when here lay the very cause of why she couldn't rest and what she had of long hid from.  
  
There was one room, however, she did not touch, one room she did not enter. When she passed its closed entrance she skirted it as if out of habit. Though it was apart of the house she treated it as separate, something not there, something to be ignored. It was in that room that she most feared, dreaded, and wished to forget.  
  
Meanwhile….  
  
It hadn't taken long for Skye's departure to be spread to all those that mattered. After Jax, Rae had been to first to find out. When she'd gone to the townhouse she'd expected to find Jax hovering about Skye, waiting on her hand and foot, not staring blankly at a wall. He hadn't even gotten up to answer the door leaving her to come in on her on.  
  
Upon seeing the lost look about him she'd immediately become worried, she'd frantically asked him what was wrong and in response he'd simple handed her the letter.  
  
It didn't escape Rae's notice that the letter was neither addressed nor signed but she saw no significance in it reasoning that Skye had probably felt no need to, she didn't see that there might be a reason beyond the obvious.  
  
Rae had quickly called Alan, who'd informed the rest of the Quartermaines who in turn informed others. Before noon had come and gone a gathering had descended upon the Quartermaine mansion to decide how to track Skye down, a task that would prove to be very difficult and perhaps outside of their reach. 


	11. Chapter 10

Dearest readers, this story is a little strange starting from no exact point in the future. It starts out, well as you shall see and as I said, strangely. There is a reason for what I call her, and what she calls herself as you will understand later. There is also a reason for the way I wrote her nightmare, there is no real need for you to think upon that, only it's content as it will be important in the future. Now I must ask that you bare with me, if I post anything I write, which is rare, it has been a one time thing so starting a series is, and actually posting the first part obligating me to continue, is an even rarer thing but as I implied, patience will be needed as I tend to over work my work and with everything else I'm doing in my life the chapters will not be quick. This week is my Spring Break so I hope to get all my thoughts out in rough draft from therefore speeding up the finishing of chapters. Anyhow, I hope you enjoy my fic though I will warn you, how dark it will become or how light I don't know, but I tend to write more towards the dark.  
  
~theDragonStar~  
  
PS: I will occasionally put some lines from a poem or song at the end, and other times the beginning. They sometimes will have a meaning which you'll see related to the fic, but more likely simply no meaning at all, just me sharing something that caught my eye, or ear as the case may be.  
  
PPS: See Ani, I do know how to share!  
  
~Blood Rose~  
  
Her lips were red, her looks were free,  
  
Her locks were yellow as gold:  
  
Her skin was as white as leprosy,  
  
The Nightmare Life-in-Death was she,  
  
Who thicks man's blood with cold.  
  
(from:Coleridge, Samuel Taylor: The Rime of the Ancient Mariner)  
  
Prologue:  
  
A gentle breeze crept through an open window  
  
Soft white draperies rippled upon the air  
  
A crystal chime's music played in silence  
  
Smell of open sea had long ago seeped in  
  
Bed dressed in white stood strong by a wall  
  
Posts like twisted spears at each corner  
  
Yards of lace fell down between  
  
All was white with delicate care  
  
And all was red with deep blood  
  
It dripped down the walls  
  
Soaked deep into the bed  
  
1 Trickled in streams on hard-wood floors  
  
Settled in pool around a lonely figure  
  
Child pale as pearls, hair of flaming color  
  
Alone she stood still clad in cloud's silver  
  
Not once her lips moved nor eyes fluttered  
  
White rose held out dipped in red  
  
The lost echo of a cry penetrated from her slim body  
  
It was the mournful call of a ghost  
  
A ghost far from being dead  
  
Antoinette sat up in her bed reaching out for air. Her chest heaved in effort, she could fell her heart pounding, and upon her checks there was a multitude of tears.  
  
In her minds eye she could still see the blood which seemed to come forth out of the very walls, she could feel a chill wind upon her, smell the salt air mixed with the smell of death. She knew that scene far to well, she knew how it began and how it ended. She knew it far to well for it to be a simple nightmare.  
  
"Skye, honey what's wrong?" Her partner asked beside her. She closed her eyes as if to blot him out. "Skye, talk to me, what is it?" "Nothing Jax, just a nightmare, go back to sleep."  
  
Unfortunately, he would not just let the matter be.  
  
"Skye, come on, I know it's more than a simply nightmare. You haven't been sleeping right for weeks."  
  
That was true enough, sleep had not been with in her grasp for the past few weeks but that was not unusual, at least for her.  
  
"It's just stress, happens all the time when I'm trying to do too much at once, I'll be fine, go to sleep."  
  
He knew she was telling a lie, that in all reality she'd been having a less stressful time of late, or should have been if not for her sleepless nights, but something in her tone when she spoke the last few words bore a warning not to push and a plead to let it be. So he did.  
  
And regretted it later.  
  
Dearest readers, again this is short, but most likely they we all be more short then comparatively long, but at least you're getting something so don't complain G.  
  
~theDragonStar~  
  
~Blood Rose~  
  
I left those shadows right there right then,  
  
And I turned around to start again,  
  
Yet every time I visit this place  
  
The reflections are there, not to be replaced  
  
(From Saffer, Daniel R.: Reflections)  
  
Chapter 1:  
  
Dressed in an airy white skirt with a red rose print and a matching red tank top Antoinette stared at her reflection in the full-length mirror. She touched one of the roses on her skirt and closed her eyes. She could see a black vase in her mind, full of red roses, almost. One rose was different, different only in color, for it was white. As she imagined the arrangement to every detail it changed; the water was no longer clear but became red. The roses absorbed the colored liquid, which rose up the long steams and impossibly poured fourth from the petals. The one white rose quickly became no longer white, but red.  
  
Red with blood.  
  
"Skye? You ready?"  
  
Antoinette jumped at the sound hastily shaking the image from her mind. "I'll be right down!"  
  
With a final look at her haunted reflection, Antoinette headed down the stairs of the townhouse she shared with Jax.  
  
Jax looked up hearing her on the stairs and smiled as she appeared. His smile faltered slightly. She's so pale, Jax thought to himself as he watched Skye near the bottom step. Suddenly Skye gave a slight cry grabbing the banister with one hand as if to prevent a fall.  
  
Jax leaped to her side lifting her up in his arms before she could protest.  
  
"Put me down," she requested softly as she headed towards the couch. Jax looked down at her, her eyes begged him to follow her request but he didn't. Instead he continued to the couch laying her down on its cushions.  
  
She immediately moved to stand up but he pulled her back down.  
  
"Jax what are we doing, we have to go."  
  
"You almost collapsed and you want to just go like nothing happened?"  
  
"Nothing did happen, so a slightly painful cramp took me by surprise, I think I'll survive," she did her best to sound sarcastic.  
  
Jax looked down at Skye knowing that she wouldn't admit to it being anything but nothing and that she would continue to the 4th of July picnic with or with out him. She'd been increasingly stubborn as of late as well as closed off. He could either walk into a fight with her only to find him bared by more walls in the end or let it go and have the chance to remain close to her. After what had just happened no matter how minor a happening it was claimed to be, he was not about to leave her side. Things often were not as they seemed with Skye. It was good that he had learned this about her.  
  
Very good, so it proved.  
  
~Blood Rose~  
  
Two years gone, except for moments  
  
in the rain. Moments of days or  
  
weekends or even weeks, but still  
  
only moments. Always ending.  
  
Always holding their breath,  
  
waiting for the certain end.  
  
Now you are here.  
  
(From Mohanray, M.A.: With Ocean Waiting Below)  
  
Chapter 2:  
  
Antoinette stood at the bow of the small speedboat as it rushed towards Spoon Island. Today was meant to be full of socializing, eating, and at night fireworks were to be set off from a launch in the water. She hoped to make it through the day, she felt she could collapse at any passing moment if her will didn't hold out.  
  
Selfish.  
  
That would be the word her mother would have called her for hiding away the pain but she didn't see how that could be called selfish. She hide what she hide because she didn't want to cause anyone worry, to burden them with her problems.  
  
A slight pain spread from her lower abdomen and she leaned over slightly, bracing herself with a hand on the railing. Today was not starting out a good day.  
  
She felt a presence behind her so she straightened, willing the pain to leave her.  
  
"You alright?" Jax whispered in her ear.  
  
"Mmhm," she sighed leaning into him.  
  
She had once told him she felt safe with him and she did. No matter what was going on Antoinette knew she could always count on his calming force. She was thankful for that but at the same time guilt plagued her for it, she knew that she was hurting him, he knew she wasn't being honest with him lately. She wished she could tell him it was for his own protection, not letting him in, but that was like asking for a disaster.  
  
Closing her eyes Antoinette breathed in deep, taking in the smell of the salty air. She had a great love for the sea, or rather used to. Now the sea air always bore something more, a presence of hatred, and fear.  
  
A shiver spread from the back of her neck spreading down her spine. "Not today, please not today," she whispered to herself, too softly for her partner to hear.  
  
Antoinette did not want to think of the past but at the same time recognized she wasn't allowing herself to forget wearing what she wore, being where she was.  
  
As Spoon Island loomed closer, Antoinette took a deep breath placing a smile on her pale face, becoming the image of happiness, hoping her recent haunts weren't revealed in her appearance.  
  
But hoping doesn't make things so.  
  
~Blood Rose~  
  
Let us, the Children of the Night,  
  
Put off the cloak that hides the scar!  
  
Let us be Children of the Light,  
  
And tell the ages what we are!  
  
(From Robinson, Edwin Arlington: The Children Of The Night)  
  
Chapter 3:  
  
Antoinette was aware of her partner's steady arm about her. Part of her was annoyed that he was obviously concerned about her falling after the almost fall at the Townhouse, she felt like pulling away to prove a point. However, another part of her was grateful, and she didn't want to push him away, she liked having him close. Besides, it wasn't like he was being obvious, pestering her with constant questions of her well-being, he knew better. To any others his arm about her was nothing more than simple affection, it had become to be expected of the two to share a closeness. They were not obscene in displays but shared a comfort with being in each other's spheres that there was never a question of their intimacy. Those that had fought against their becoming a couple had come to respect their relationship even if they didn't like it, and all those that mattered were happy for the respective half.  
  
As they rounded Windemere, they happened upon the gathering. It was a private affair but with a large guest list filled with Cassadines, Spencers, all Gia's associates and their families from Deception, important employees and their families from General Hospital, which included the Quartermaine's obviously, as well as many others with connections of some sort or simply invited because of their prestige in the community.  
  
"Aunt Skye!" a happy voice cried out and Antoinette turned to see a very happy red head running towards her. Through some miracle AJ had gained part-custody of Michael allowing him to see his son regularly. Michael had been shy at first, as well as confused to suddenly having a whole new set of family members but had warmed up to them. He had bonded quickly with his father and new stepmother, Aunt Courtney, as well as his Aunt Skye. She had wondered if he had unconsciously picked up his father's preference for being around his redheaded sister unlike with the rest of the Quartermaines and had even mentioned it to AJ, but he voiced the belief his son was just smart and knew the best people to get close to.  
  
Michael grabbed his Aunt's hand and dragged her along talking a mile a minute, "Come on Aunt Skye, everyone is waiting for you and Uncle Jax!" Antoinette smiled to herself as Michael tried to drag her along. Michael had decided to call Jax 'uncle' all on his own some time ago, or so she thought. Unbeknownst to her, Ned had surprisingly remarked in Michael's hearing that he might as well call Jax 'uncle' because he most likely would have to someday, not that he necessarily liked the thought nor would voice it in her or Jax's hearing in case he gave the two ideas. After hearing this, Michael had been doing exactly that, which to everyone else's amusement immensely annoyed Sonny.  
  
As Michael pulled his aunt along chattering nonstop, he was hailed by another child. "Hey Michael come on! My mom's got sparklers!"  
  
Michael looked after the waving child then back at his Aunt, he look absolutely innocently torn at what to do. He could either abandon his Aunt and play with sparklers, or continue to drag her along to where everyone else was.  
  
"I think we can find our way, you go ahead and play," Antoinette smiled at him, shaking her head in amusement as he hugged her in relief and ran off to play.  
  
"He's so full of life isn't he? He's been through more than he knows at such a young age but at least he's happy, and alive."  
  
Jax looked at Skye as she watched a group of children run about with sparklers, not caring they were meant for when it was darker. There had been something in her voice when she'd commented he was alive, something he couldn't put his finger on. She seemed to carry a sadness as she watched the children play.  
  
He wondered if it had anything to do with what she was hiding, and filed it away for later thought.  
  
Many of you readers think that you have what Skye is hiding pegged, and I would hope so as I want you to have figured it out, or to at least think you have. There is much more going on than one simple thing. There will be many revelations, some foreseen, others a surprise, and perhaps those you may second-guess before it's over. I have so many thoughts going through my head for this fic I have a feeling even I will be surprised to how it all comes out.  
  
~Blood Rose~  
  
If I can ease one life the aching,  
  
Or cool one pain,  
  
Or help one fainting robin  
  
Unto his nest again,  
  
I shall not live in vain.  
  
(From Dickinson, Emily: If I can stop one heart from breaking,)  
  
Chapter 4:  
  
Antoinette found herself actually enjoying the gathering. She was sitting on a blanket leaning back against her partner's chest, head resting against the crook of his neck. Her eyes were kept closed as she took in the atmosphere about her.  
  
To her left she could hear Kristina and Courtney talking happily with the occasional cynical comment from AJ followed by a grunt that she imagined was the result of Courtney elbowing him. To her right Alan and Monica were discussing something of little importance with Bobbie and another voice she believed to belong to Scott Baldwin, she didn't care to check. In front of her she knew Ned and Alexis were sitting from the fact that they were talking with Jax. She had been taking apart of the discussions about her earlier but now she choose to rest and listen to the voices with out really hearing at all.  
  
"Aunt Skye? Are you sleeping?" a small voice whispered in her ear.  
  
"Mm?" was all the response she seemed to be able to manage.  
  
"Will you set off fireworks with me and Daddy when you wake up?"  
  
"Mmhm," she nodded her head as she turned slightly to snuggle into her partner's broad chest that she noted worked remarkably well as a pillow.  
  
"Alright, sleep tight Aunt Skye."  
  
Drifting away into darkness Antoinette felt a soft kiss on her temple as she became no more aware of anything.  
  
Michael stepped back from his sleeping Aunt, studying her with his innocent gaze. "Why isn't she any better?" he asked aloud, turning to look at his father.  
  
An uncomfortable quiet settled upon all those around as they turned to look at Michael, then Skye. AJ studied his son, not for nothing Skye had accredited him with being an observant child. "What do you mean Michael? Skye's just fine," AJ told his son with a smile, but Michael shook his head in defiance. "Then why is she so tired? You said it yourself to Aunt Courtney when we were at the zoo and Aunt Skye had to sit down while we went into the reptile house. You said she looked like death warmed over."  
  
AJ shifted uncomfortably. An observant child, observant and apparently blessed with a remarkable set of ears.  
  
Seeing her husband's struggle for a response, Courtney put on a bright smile for the child's sake and spoke. "Your Dad was just being his usual pessimistic self. You know your Aunt Skye works hard running a company and sometimes she gets tired, that's all. Now why don't you go play, it'll be a while before its time for fireworks."  
  
Michael nodded and turned to find some play but paused for a final question, "Aunt Courtney, what does pesiemisic mean?"  
  
The tense silence that had appeared dissipated with some laughter and smiles.  
  
"I'll explain it latter, now go play." The boy left and with no hesitation, the tense silence returned.  
  
Jax watched Michael leave, running off happily, then looked down at Skye. So pale, so week and quite, it was almost like looking down upon a sleeping stranger.  
  
Stealthily he moved wrapping an arm tight around her then kissed the top of her head. With out looking up at those around him he asked, "You've noticed." Though in all reality it really wasn't a question at all. He knew they had noticed a change in her wither they cared for Skye or not. Her recent paleness, quite manner, and never ceasing lack of energy was impossible not to notice. There was only one question to be answered. One.  
  
They had all noticed but none knew how to answer the one question. Skye was no ordinary person; there were walls and complications in everything about her as well in the one question, especially in it.  
  
What was there to be done about it?  
  
~Blood Rose~  
  
Down to the deepest depths I peered  
  
Until I spied the Runes  
  
With a roaring cry I seized them up  
  
Then dizzy and fainting, I fell.  
  
(From the The Poetic Edda: The Speech of the High One)  
  
Chapter 5:  
  
From afar anyone watching the group would think they were having a fine time engrossed in conversation, up a little closer you might have been obliged to notice from their faces it was possible a serious discussion, but if you were apart of the group you knew most defiantly the topic was serious as well as uncomfortable.  
  
Using her cool rational logic Alexis thought it best to speak first after Jax's statement of noticing Skye's recent behavior and appearance. "Well, of course we've noticed. Anyone who knows Skye's normal self or even heard of her would note a recent change. I know that I felt, and I'm sure that the same could be said for those here except for perhaps Alan and AJ, it was not my place to say anything. Skye and I have become capable of an understanding and friendly conversation but I seriously doubt she'd appreciate me commenting on her of late."  
  
"Alexis, get to the point. No. Allow me. You are all afraid she'll bite your head off, even though she'd probably be too tired to do so, if you say anything."  
  
"That's not true. I'm not afraid of Skye, I just figured, well that if anyone should say anything it ought to be you and if you weren't maybe you knew something the rest of us didn't." AJ claimed indignantly.  
  
"Oh that is such a load AJ. You might as well not lie, you're afraid of bringing Skye's wrath upon you just like everyone else." AJ glared over at his wife who glared back.  
  
"Well AJ does have a point. Skye is closer to Jax than any of us," Alan said unsuccessfully hiding a hint to his tone of a wish to be closer with his daughter.  
  
Jax laughed lightly, but with no amusement in it.  
  
"You might as well admit none of you wanted to say anything because you know full well what her reaction would be. For those of you not close to her, you'd good a good earful and more distance would be put between a thought to friendship, and you certainly don't want Skye as you enemy. As for the others of us," Jax let out a defeated sigh, "we know she'd push away and add more walls. I've tried to approach the subject but she doesn't want me to. She's put up all these walls I'd thought were long gone between us."  
  
"So knock them back down, you got to her once."  
  
"You know it's not that simple AJ. Lately I've started wondering if there are more walls know then there ever was. I try to push a little and she pulls farther away. I'm afraid. Afraid for her if I don't push but afraid that if I do she'll pull so far back while pushing me away that I wont be there when she needs me. She almost fell today, on the stairs."  
  
"And you didn't take her to the hospital?" Alan asked angrily.  
  
"So you'd rather I do what? Drag her their by force and when we get there she claims to something than is no big deal and refuses to unnecessary tests. The only thing I would have succeeded in doing was making her furious. Is that what you want?"  
  
"It's better than just doing nothing! Now don't get me wrong Skye is not my favorite person though I've actually begun to see her a little differently since she's been with you but this is ridiculous. You can't seriously just stand there and watch her go through whatever this is."  
  
"You know Kristina for one supposedly so insightful into everyone I don't think you've yet to figure Skye out. Were you not listening to what I said? I am doing something! I'm restraining myself so I can be there; she knows I'm here if she'd just open up. The thing that confuses me the most she's knows what's wrong. If she was coming down with some sickness she didn't know about she might not like hospitals but she'd let me take her there. She knows though, she knows what's wrong and despite the physical symptoms I don't think it has anything to do with an illness and I don't think any of you do either. Something is bothering her that's causing stress, something that's making her wake up every night from nightmares or sometimes never even being able to fall asleep. There's something going on that's making her put up her walls and wont let me in or anyone else. Sometimes I just want to reach out and shake her, scream at her to tell me but that's most defiantly one of the worst ways to try and get through to her if she's trying to keep you out. Even if she let something slip in lashing out anger it would be only harder to get anything more out of her."  
  
Jax had forgotten that the subject of his outbreak was sleeping against his chest as he'd let his voice rise. It was frustrating not knowing how to get through to the one you love, to watch them go through something you didn't understand and that had had it's own toll on Jax. Only when he felt a slight jerk against him did he once again realize where Skye was in relation to himself. Her entire body had gone tense; her mouth moved uttering a whisper he couldn't understand but knew was a cry against something.  
  
"Skye? Skye honey wake up, come back to me," Jax moved her so was lying down him next to her. Those around exchanged worried glances while AJ hurried to Skye's other side.  
  
"Skye wake up, come on its AJ."  
  
But she didn't wake up and Jax knew she wouldn't. For some reason unknown to him it was impossible to wake Skye up from her nightmares. It was almost like she herself locked the door trapping her inside till the unseen door could no longer restrain her. He'd been beside her awake enough times to know that when Skye dreamed, her body becoming tense and the occasionally short movement was only the beginning.  
  
Antoinette stood at the oceans shore, the water lapping over her feet. She was both apart of herself and at the same moment separate, seeing her own image standing barefoot upon the sand as one would see another. She was different some recess of her mind told her. Her hair was long, much longer than it should be, as well as curly instead of straight. Her face was younger, less worried and haunted.  
  
She closed her eyes, smiling to herself. She loved the ocean, the smell of the salt air, the sounds of the waves breaking on the sand, the cries of the gulls flying overhead, the laughter. Laughter?  
  
Antoinette opened her eyes and looked about her, in the distance she though she could see a figure dancing, calling to her, laughing. Gathering up her flowing white skirt she ran across the beach, ran towards the elusive figure.  
  
'Don't go, please stay,' her mind called out, but it was no use.  
  
Above her she was aware of the harmless gray hues of the sky deepening, becoming a dangerous black. She was aware of the wind picking up, racing about her in great gusts and wails. She was aware of the rain as it poured down upon, striking her skin, soaking her to the bone.  
  
The rain was not all that fell.  
  
Petals from red rose poured from the sky with the rain, blanketing the sand and sea alike. She was running on a carpet of rose petals, her breathing ragged, uneven, she kept running, running, running.  
  
A bold cliff came up in front of her barring her way. She looked up it's rough face to the top where laughter was brought down by the wind. Not stopping to think she attacked the cliff face, climbing up it with bare hands and feet. Sharp rocks with jagged edges torn into her skin. Her own life-giving blood made the rock face slippery making progress harder but she kept going; she refused to stop.  
  
When at last she pulled herself onto the top she found herself on a long flat covered with wild grasses. As she hurried through the tall grass she was aware of the blades slicing into her like blades. It did not occur to her that petals from above and blades of grass like knives could not exist, that nothing in which she was could exist, to her it was real.  
  
Ever elusive, calling to her and full with laughter the figure ran, ran faster than she could ever hope to match.  
  
She fell.  
  
Not into the blades of grass did she fall but upon sand once again. Her chest heaving and heart racing Antoinette struggled to get up but she was sinking, sinking into the sand.  
  
"What do you want from me?" she screamed out across the land and the laughter changed. No longer sweet and innocent the sound of a man's laughter, deep and unmerciful reached her ears. She knew that laugh.  
  
Antoinette watched herself struggle out of the sand unto a bed of petals, she watched herself weeping pounded by drops of rain. But it was no longer rain, for rain was not red.  
  
Lifting up her hands to her eyes she could see the blood she tried to wipe it off, to rid herself of it but the task seemed unbearable impossible.  
  
In front of her a shadow loomed but she would not look up at it. She knew the face it bore, the horror of the glassy eyes. She willed herself to wake up, to be dragged far from this place, she pleaded to be gone, to suffer no more if just for now. She awoke.  
  
Jax watched Skye twist and turn, there were tears on her cheeks. "Come on Skye, wake up!" he growled at her, willing her to come back to him. All around him no one knew what to say or do. They were in shock watching them twist in turn while nothing could break her from her horror.  
  
They all jumped as they heard her scream, scream in a terror that shattered their hearts for her; it did not matter if they liked her, knew anything about her, or even possibly relate they knew that scream was a sound none should ever make awake or in dream.  
  
She awoke.  
  
Jumping back from her partner and brother, Antoinette pulled herself up, backing away from the circle of concern.  
  
Someone was saying something to her, trying to sooth her but she couldn't piece it together, her mind was a mass of confusion, nothing made sense.  
  
Slowly things became clearer, the figures in front of her focused, became recognizable. For a moment everything fell into place in her mind, full comprehension of everything that had just happened was with in her grasp, but only for a moment.  
  
Antoinette swayed a little as a giant wave of dizziness came upon her, everything spun, everything went black.  
  
~Blood Rose~  
  
So if you keep a hiding place,  
  
It's probably in your heart.  
  
You will keep inside forever this space,  
  
Of the darkness of wishing to start.  
  
(From Hiding Places: Saffer, Daniel R)  
  
Chapter 6:  
  
When Jax had watched in seemingly slow motion Skye sway and collapse he'd been the first at her side, catching her before her head touched the ground. He'd lifted her up and gotten her to a speedboat joined by Alan and AJ while the others took to other boats so as not to crowd the space. AJ had taken the wheel while Alan called to make arrangements for an ambulance to meet them at the docks.  
  
Not married to Skye, Jax was not allowed to come in the ambulance so he'd been forced to let go of her. Besides, Alan could do better for her in the ambulance, what could he do? He hated feeling helpless.  
  
Now Jax paced back and forth in the waiting room. He vaguely acknowledged the fact that Alexis was speaking to him but what her words were he did not know. It wasn't until Alan walked up did he stop to concentrate on anything but his worry.  
  
"How is she?" Jax asked at the same moment AJ inquired, "What's wrong?"  
  
"She'll be fine, after a few blood transfusions, she's severely anemic but fine. Doctor Jenison's taken over, she thought it would be best since I'm close to Skye to let her take care of everything. But she's fine, a few days in the hospital, she'll be fine." He seemed unaware that he was being repetitive but regardless the information brought ease to all those presence. She was fine, just fine. At least that they knew.  
  
Antoinette opened her heavy eyes to look about her. With a quick glance around it was not hard to deduce she was in a hospital. She hated hospitals; she'd found herself in them far too often. There was a distinct smell to hospitals, a mixture of medicines, ammonia, life, and to the familiar, death.  
  
Antoinette did not need to wonder how she'd gotten there or what had happened; in fact she cared little about such questions. She only had one question, a question whose answer could have dramatic affects on what her next move in this life of hers would be.  
  
"Ms. Chandler-Quartermaine?"  
  
A tall brunette stepped in, a woman, a doctor, and a familiar face.  
  
"Do they-" Antoinette began to ask with out formalities or care for anything else but an answer to her dire question. Did they know?  
  
"No." The doctor was not happy to answer the unfinished question in a negative. She did not agree with her patient's wishes, but she was obliged to follow them.  
  
Antoinette closed her eyes, relaxing in relief, listening to what else the other woman had to say.  
  
"They would know if I had not been here knowing your wishes. It would be best if you told them now yourself." There was a wistful tone to her voice, if with little hope, she had come to know her patient well enough to know what the reply would be.  
  
"They will not be told."  
  
With a very heavy sigh the doctor sank into a chair along side the bed. "They need to know, it's only a matter of time. What do you plan on doing, disappearing so they never know?" The moment the words escaped her lips she knew that was the wrong question to ask this particular patient. "You're not are you?" she asked tentatively.  
  
"That is none of your concern Doctor Jenison. You are a doctor and I your patient, so long as I am capable of making my own decisions you are bond by to what I decide. Now what did you tell them?"  
  
"That you're anemic, which is true. We've already administered two units of blood and you will need more. Normally I'd have you stay about three days but with your additional condition-"  
  
"No. I will stay the night to give you time to administer how many more units I require. I will not stay with the chance my father or someone else I know will pick up my chart and discover anything else."  
  
"That wont happen, you had a CBC test revealing your anemia, it only shows your blood count. At least stay the three days, your father knows the policies and would more likely to suspect something if you signed yourself out against my orders."  
  
"Three days then, no more," Antoinette agreed, now was not the time to evoke any unnecessary concern; she already had damage control to do after that dream.  
  
With a sigh Doctor Jenison decided not to push, since meeting Ms. Chandler- Quartermaine she'd become well aware it was near impossible to bully her into anything. If she had her way this particular patient would be on extremely strict schedule containing lots of rest but she did not have that power as the patient knew far too well.  
  
"Shall I let them know you're awake?"  
  
Taking the cue from a nod, the doctor headed out stopping at her name.  
  
"Sheryl? Thank you."  
  
"Sure Skye, as much I as think you should tell them, sure."  
  
Antoinette heard the other woman leave; she had not opened her eyes once during the conversation. She was afraid she would have begun to cry, she'd already become emotional once during a conversation with Doctor Jenison and while that had the good affect of making the doctor feel kindly toward her, and take the extra step to fulfill her wishes even though she disagreed, she was not about to do it again.  
  
Feeling the beginning of a rather large headache, Antoinette sifted through thoughts of how to handle her visitors. They knew not the whole truth which made things easier, but she knew that after witnessing her behavior before collapsing, she could not keep the questions at bay for long. She had already been pushing it with Jax, keeping him too scared to say anything but she doubted that would work much longer. No, Antoinette had her work cut out for her in keeping her secrets, secrets were very hard work.  
  
Alright, here you guys go, so stop complaining! G Now I'm sure when you all read the name Opacus you'll wonder what on earth I'm thinking but it's Latin for an English word that carries some personal meaning for me and Russian Blues (which is a type of feline that is noted for it's long legs, and short coat of a gray-blue that's absolutely beautiful in the sunlight). Also if there are more typos then usual give me a break, it's past midnight over here!!!  
  
  
  
~Blood Rose~  
  
It's all a bad dream,  
  
Spinning in your lonely head  
  
Welcome to my world she said,  
  
Separated world, she stayed separated  
  
(From 3 Doors Down: Down Poison)  
  
Chapter 7:  
  
Antoinette some how managed to survive the three days in the hospital. She had suffered endlessly at the hands of constant care and concern, no one seemed capable of understanding she wanted to be left in peace. Fortunately she was tired enough to sleep through most of her misery of being stuck in the extremely boring hospital bed. She knew she'd be on the receiving end of Jax's over attention and many visitors, she had no disillusions on that fact, but at least she would be home.  
  
As to her damage control, she marveled at her capabilities to handle what she had thought to be an enormous headache. With a simple, innocent question and few well chosen words she had made it immediately clear that her last memory was of falling asleep against him. No one could question her about her nightmare if they didn't think she remembered it. Of course Jax knew she'd been having other nightmares but he didn't want to do anything that might upset her, she knew how to master that fear to it's fullest.  
  
Antoinette hated using him that way, hated using his care for her but she refused to cause him the pain of the truth. It was her burden to carry.  
  
When they reached the townhouse, against her protests, Jax carried her inside the house and laid her on the couch. Antoinette was immediately joined by a slender feline. A Russian Blue, the young male held a regal air with his long legs and silky coat. "Hey Opacus," Antoinette hailed the feline from his perch on the back of the couch. Opacus squeezed his eyes in response then descended gracefully to curl upon her middle. Antoinette smiled to herself as he purred, he'd decided she was his favorite bed a few weeks before, not that she minded.  
  
Looking away from her small companion, Antoinette found Jax perched at the edge of the coffee table watching her for any sign that she needed to be whisked away back to the dreaded hospital bed.  
  
Antoinette was about to make a comment that he looked like a bird of prey studying its next victim when the doorbell rang. Jax went to answer it while Antoinette sighed, no doubt her first visitor. Who the visitor was, however, was completely unexpected.  
  
"Rae?" Antoinette went to get up only to have Rae hurriedly prevent it.  
  
"What are you doing here?"  
  
"To see you, what else?" Rae smiled down at her daughter, expertly hiding any worry or concern but being the image of encouragement. Antoinette groaned inwardly, she had not counted on having to deal with a bright and cheery Rae on top of everything else.  
  
"There really was no need," Antoinette outwardly smiled sweetly.  
  
"Of course there was, besides I missed you." Before it could be prevented Rae wrapped her arms about her daughter. When she pulled away there were a few tears in her eyes.  
  
"Why don't I go make you some tea," Rae obviously wanted to get away and regain her resolve. Trust Rae to be highly emotional while at the same wanting the be a rock of comfort.  
  
Antoinette watched Rae head down in search of the kitchen then turned to her watcher.  
  
"Jax, why don't you go help her."  
  
"You going to be ok?"  
  
"Yes! Now go."  
  
Flashing a smile and sincere annoyance Antoinette follow Jax with her eyes as he kissed her on the forehead and went to help Rae. The moment he was out of sight she got off the coach, displacing an unhappy Opacus, and slipped down the hall.  
  
In the kitchen Rae unsuccessfully searched for a kettle and some tea. Jax quickly went to the correct cabinet and pulled out the necessary items.  
  
"Thank you." Rae smiled at the man before her, it was easy to see he cared for her daughter, and that something was defiantly worried about her. "I'm Rae Cummings, obviously, I'm sorry for just breezing in with out introducing myself. You must be Jax."  
  
Jax nodded and smiled lightly at her. "That's alright, it's nice to meet you. I assume Alan called you?"  
  
Rae's smile faltered as she indicated yes with her head. "I would have been here sooner but some things can't be helped. How is she? I mean really, not the face of strength she shows."  
  
Rae watched Jax turn away and fill the kettle with water. "She's an expert at wearing masks isn't she?" With a sigh he looked up at nothing. "Honestly, I'm not sure how she is. Physically her doctor says that she'll be fine, a little rest perhaps, she'll need to watch her diet and keep up with the vitamins she was prescribed but-"  
  
"Your worried about her, reaction before fainting."  
  
"Alan told you," Jax looking at her.  
  
"He did. He also mentioned you didn't seem all that surprised. It wasn't the first time she dreamed like that was it?"  
  
Rae took note as Jax smiled ruefully to himself, looking away sadly then back at her. "No, while I would love to blame her tiredness all on her anemia-" Jax shook his head realizing how he worded that; he would love to blame her anemia. "I'm afraid she's been having bad dreams for quite awhile now. I just- I wish I could do something, I feel so helpless. I'm afraid to say something about her but if I don't- it just gets worse. I'm lost, she wont let me in, I just-" Rae was about to lay a hand on his arm to calm his out burst when he began pacing up and down. "I wish I knew what to do, the right words to say."  
  
"It'll be ok, I'll talk with her. She may not like it but I'm not going anywhere, maybe between the two of us we can get her to open up, to talk about whatever's eating her up inside."  
  
"Do you honestly think we can get through to her?"  
  
Rae smiled as he stopped to look at her, "I honestly think that it can only help."  
  
Antoinette pulled away from the doorway. "You're wrong mother, it can only hurt," she whispered to herself. Antoinette turned and silently made her way back to the couch. She had not counted on Rae's appearance; she knew Rae was not the type to just let things go, that she would push for the chance of getting through. Antoinette also knew herself, she knew that if she got angry enough she could very well let something slip, and a slip, no matter how small could be disastrous.  
  
As much as she hated to think it, as much as she never wanted to leave what happiness she had found, time did not wait for anyone and the time for her to go was drawing near. Indeed it might very well be upon her.  
  
Big Huge special thanks to my unofficial BETA, Renee (you know Renee I ought to just make it official, I'm already keeping you up all hours of the night G). I found out that some people had trouble finding the back chapters (be sure you read the prologue, it's very important for later!!) so I archived this at fanfiction.net as well. Oh, now some of you are probably wondering what happened to Rae and mother-daughter talks, well have faith in me, I now what I'm doing, sorta G.  
  
  
  
~Blood Rose~  
  
I'm sitting here now as I write this, on the edge of our bed watching you sleep. You've got a smile on your lips and your arms out stretched to where I should lay, but I'm not. I'm sorry.  
  
Do you remember our first kiss? I do. In the midst of all our games, the lies and deception for one glorious moment nothing mattered, all was left behind, and it terrified me. Do you remember our first night together? I do. After everything that had happened, out fights and anger for one wonderful night nothing mattered, all was left behind, and it terrified me. Am I being repetitive? I'm sorry.  
  
I'm smiling now, your talking in your sleep, you're so peaceful when you sleep, so unlike myself. We have a pattern you and I, a pattern that has often left my terrified, terrified as I am now. For the first time in my life someone wants to know me, wants to know every hurt, every scar, and every secret I possess. But I'm afraid I can't do that. No. I can, but I wont. I could tell you of every moment of my being and I have no doubt you would be absolutely wonderful. I could open myself to you, leave myself bare before you, I trust you that much, but as I said, I wont. I'm sorry.  
  
Why you may wonder. Simply this, I refuse. I refuse to put upon you my burdens, to give you to carry what is mine alone to carry and I refuse to relive my life for any reason. Is that selfish? I'm sorry.  
  
The sun is rising now; the light is streaming through our window and onto our bed, now yours alone. I'm telling myself I'll leave this letter for you to find and with a final kiss be gone. I know it probably doesn't matter to you but I'm crying and I'm sorry, so sorry. Sorry I ever dragged you into my existence, sorry to cause you one single tear of pain. Sorry.  
  
There is a robin outside now announcing the day with his beautiful song and telling me it's time to go now, time to disappear. I was once told that you have but one life to do with as you wish. Wouldn't it be nice if life were so simple, so wonderfully fair? But life is neither simple nor fair, we have but one life, one life to do with as you must and that I must do this, I'm sorry.  
  
(From: Chandler-Quartermaine, Antoinette: the letter)  
  
Chapter 8:  
  
Antoinette didn't know how much time passed as she wrote her letter; it had been dark when she began and now it was light. Folding the letter she placed it on her pillow where Jax would be sure to find it.  
  
Jax.  
  
Antoinette looked at her partner, her partner in the best chapter of her life. She reached out a hand and gently traced the curve of his face then down along his jawbone. She smiled, the smile of a thousand woes. Bending down she gave him one final kiss.  
  
"I love you," she whispered.  
  
Strange that the words came so easily, that they fit so perfectly. She had never spoken those words to him before and he never to her. Their feelings had gone unspoken, it had never seemed necessary to do so, to put into words what they felt. Perhaps it was for the best that they had never exchanged the words, now that she was leaving.  
  
Backing away slowly, careful not to make another noise, Antoinette left the room, their bedroom, and crept down the stairs. Through the door she went, closing it lightly, and out to her car. With a final glance at the second- story window, Antoinette got in and drove away, too afraid to look back.  
  
When Jax awoke later that morning he immediately knew something was wrong. Where Skye should have been there was only a bare, cold place, void of her figure. He sat up quickly and upon seeing the letter felt dread settling in. He tried to rationalize that everything was ok, that it was probably nothing, but he knew it was not so.  
  
He had to read the letter several times before comprehension truly began to take place. Jax swept through the entire house in a panic, finding that most of Skye's clothing and personal items were gone as well as her car. He sank into the couch, their couch, in a state beyond words. He still couldn't believe she was gone.  
  
Opacus jumped lightly onto his lap emitting a soft, pitiful mew. Jax ignored him, staring blankly at the opposite wall, for how long he did not know. What he did know was that sometime later an awful thought entered his mind.  
  
He never even said he loved her.  
  
Over the next few chapters I will include what is going on with our girl revealing some of the 'mysteries' as well as cover what everyone in Port Charles is doing in reaction to her departure. Time will pass at various intervals; sometimes the chapter will be brief, such as this one, to set you up for the next, while other times the chapters will be long covering very little actual time at all. I will veer off the normal point of views to bring in others, present flashbacks and do things perhaps unexpected or seemingly pointless. I ask you to have faith I do have a plan (some where in the confines of my mind G), and bear with me as with spring break over and many end of the year projects to do the chapters wont be out as quickly as you'd like.  
  
~Blood Rose~  
  
It was so hard to let it show,   
  
so hard to let  you  go   
  
Pay close attention to the scars   
  
Not to the lonely man caged in bars   
  
Turn away 'cause the feeling has died   
  
But before then, it was inside that I cried  
  
(From Inside that I cried, writer unknown)  
  
  
  
Chapter 9:  
  
A small beach house stood solemnly against a gray sky. Beyond it the Pacific's slow, rolling movement could be seen matched by all the proper sounds and smells. Dark and lonely the house had sat uninhabited for over a decade but that was about to change.  
  
Antoinette drove up a sandy road towards the house, stopping in front of it. Leaning back in her seat she sighed. It had been a long day of traveling and covering her tracks; she'd sold her car to a small dealership outside Port Charles, hoped long flights from Port Charles to Seattle under a name none would look for, then bought a new car to bring her here, to this secluded place, a place she never thought she'd return to.  
  
She had to force herself to get out of the car and ascend the old wooden steps to the front door. Bending down she loosened a familiar board so she could retrieve an old key suspended from a hiding hook. Antoinette inserted the key, turned, and paused. She had never thought she'd come back here, to this house filled with so many memories, memories she would rather forget.  
  
Pulling herself together she pushed forcing the stubborn door open and walked in to a room void of life.  
  
She made her rounds about the house quickly, opening windows to get rid of the stale air, checking to make sure the electricity, phone, and water had been turned on, as they should have been. The place was clean, she'd picked a good maid, and obviously taken care of. Any damage that would have occurred through storms or simple age had been attended to as needed; she'd seen to it that it been cared for through all the years that had passed. Silly that she'd held onto the place, that she paid for it to be kept up. A symbol perhaps that she never really had let go, that there were things here she didn't want to let go of, parts of herself and her past.  
  
Taking several trips from the car and back, bringing in her clothes, some food she'd picked up as well as other things she suspected she'd need. Well into the night she went about the house, putting things away. Though tired she dared not rest, it would be better if she pushed herself to a point where anything beyond the deepest sleep would be impossible. Strange she chose here to come to rest and hide when here lay the very cause of why she couldn't rest and what she had of long hid from.  
  
There was one room, however, she did not touch, one room she did not enter. When she passed its closed entrance she skirted it as if out of habit. Though it was apart of the house she treated it as separate, something not there, something to be ignored. It was in that room that she most feared, dreaded, and wished to forget.  
  
Meanwhile….  
  
It hadn't taken long for Skye's departure to be spread to all those that mattered. After Jax, Rae had been to first to find out. When she'd gone to the townhouse she'd expected to find Jax hovering about Skye, waiting on her hand and foot, not staring blankly at a wall. He hadn't even gotten up to answer the door leaving her to come in on her on.  
  
Upon seeing the lost look about him she'd immediately become worried, she'd frantically asked him what was wrong and in response he'd simple handed her the letter.  
  
It didn't escape Rae's notice that the letter was neither addressed nor signed but she saw no significance in it reasoning that Skye had probably felt no need to, she didn't see that there might be a reason beyond the obvious.  
  
Rae had quickly called Alan, who'd informed the rest of the Quartermaines who in turn informed others. Before noon had come and gone a gathering had descended upon the Quartermaine mansion to decide how to track Skye down, a task that would prove to be very difficult and perhaps outside of their reach.  
  
So you want to know what aside from herself and her doctor no one else knows eh? Well I could have left it unsaid for a few more chapters but I figured I wouldn't be that mean, besides I've got plenty of other secrets I have no intention of letting you in on any time soon G.  
  
~Blood Rose~  
  
Be up, my soul! nor be afraid  
  
Of what some unborn year may show;  
  
But mind your human debts are paid,  
  
As one by one the phantoms go.  
  
(From Robinson, Edwin Arlington: Ballade by the Fire)  
  
Chapter 10:  
  
Dr. Jenison paced the length of her office, replaying her last conversation with Skye.  
  
"They will not be told."  
  
"They need to know, it's only a matter of time. What do you plan on doing, disappearing so they never know?"  
  
"That is none of your concern Dr. Jenison…"  
  
Although she knew it wasn't her fault, she very much doubted she'd planted the idea in her patient's head to disappear, she still felt responsible. She'd gone to great lengths to hid her patient's secret, fulfilling her wishes, but she'd always assumed it would be found out eventually and before it had become a crisis matter.  
  
Now, however, she'd learned through hospital chatter that the chief of staff's daughter was gone, and had been gone for almost a week. She knew that they'd found her car in a used car lot and she'd been seen at the airport, but from there no one knew what had happened to her despite the various privately funded investigations going on. Her patient, now former patient, was gone and could very well die in a few months, and her family had no idea.  
  
"Dammit Sheryl, they have to be notified, it might aid in finding her. Besides, Dr. Quartermaine is your superior and has access to all the medical files, so what I give him a push in the right direction, giving him the medical file wont be a preach of any protocol, so I know she doesn't want him to know, he could have easily found out if he bothered to look for the files, granted he doesn't know they exist…Shut up Sheryl! You are going to do this!"  
  
Determined and set, Dr. Jenison set out to do something that would make her former patient hate her, most likely get yelled at by others for not doing it sooner, but all in all the thing that had to be done, at least that's what she kept telling herself.  
  
Dr. Alan Quartermaine hadn't been of much use lately. He hadn't known what to expect after learning Skye was gone, that she hadn't trusted to come to him or anyone else with whatever it was that made her run away. He kept telling himself that all the various people he and Jax were paying to locate Skye would have some major break-through, that any moment the phone would ring telling him where his daughter was, that he could have her home by dinner time.  
  
He didn't notice when someone knocked on his door, didn't notice when the opened it, it wasn't until he heard his name that he looked up.  
  
"Dr. Quartermaine?"  
  
In front of him stood his fellow worker, Dr. Jenison, whom appeared to be uncharacteristically nervous.  
  
"Dr. Jenison, I'm sorry were we scheduled for a meeting, I-"  
  
"No, I mean we weren't scheduled to meet for anything, I just-. Has there been any word on your daughter?"  
  
Alan was taken slightly aback, he was aware that the news had circulated about the hospital but no one had actually come forward to say something outright.  
  
"I know it's probably none of my business, she was my patient, I just wondered."  
  
"Oh. Right. No, there hasn't been any word, outside of what I'm sure you've already heard through Amy." Alan attempted a smile and Dr. Jenison attempted to smile back, but the smiles weren't real, it showed.  
  
"Is that all?"  
  
"Oh, no, actually, I just-" Dr Jenison wasn't exactly sure what to say, how to put into words what needed to be said. She faltered as her boss looked at her with an odd expression of confusion and curiosity on his face.  
  
"Here." She immediately chastised herself, 'here' like she couldn't say anything better as she held out a vanilla file.  
  
"It wasn't the first time I saw your daughter, I mean when she was brought in, she'd come in before about something, I thought you should know." She tried to back up for her blunder as she watched her superior take the file. She opened her mouth to speak then shut it opting instead to simply excuse herself, leaving unnoticed while Dr. Alan Quartermaine read through his daughter's file and was shocked.  
  
Across the country…  
  
Antoinette stared at her own reflection while it stared back. Outside the sun was just beginning to rise, illuminating the bleak gray sky. She'd slept remarkably well considering where she was and everything that had been going through her mind of late, which wasn't really saying much. She had taken to wearing a royal blue dress shirt, Jax's shirt, which she'd brought with her. She found it comforting, his unique smell of soap and spices still lingered there, and if she tried hard enough she could almost imagine he was there with her, though in the long run it only made her hurt all the more.  
  
Her reflection showed that she'd lost some of the healthy color the blood transfusions had brought to her checks though on a good note she was no where near the paleness that she'd had before collapsing. Her hair fell loosely about her head, her natural curls taking over, she'd decided it was a waste of time and energy to straighten it, especially as with the almost constant rain and moisture in that air it never stayed straight. She was thin, she found it remarkable that she'd lost weight while at the same time grown in her middle.  
  
Laying a hand to her abdomen she smiled softly feeling the movement inside. It had to be the single most indescribably remarkable sensation, to feel a life growing inside oneself. She was about five months along now, it didn't surprise her that she showed very little, indeed if you did not know she was pregnant you probably wouldn't take any note of it. While some woman showed a great deal when they were with child, others very little and as she had expected to be of the latter.  
  
Looking outside her window she noted it looked like rain, not that it ever didn't look like rain. She hoped it had come and gone before evening, she'd fallen into a pattern which included a slow walk north along the shore timed so she made her way back right as the sun was setting.  
  
Her mind wandered back to Jax, clueless that he fathered an unborn child. She hated herself for not telling him, but the chances for survival were slim, she did not want to put him through the pain of loosing a child if she didn't have to, or of loosing her to death. No, it was better he did not know, that he knew only that she was gone from his life by her own choice. She could live with him hating her, never being able to forgive her for leaving. She had needed to leave anyways, there was much she needed to sort out for herself, things she couldn't discuss with him, things he couldn't understand, at least not while she couldn't understood it herself or come to terms with it, not that she ever really expected that she would.  
  
A small shiver went down her spine, rubbing her arms with her hands, she crawled back into bed, it wasn't like she really needed to be up, she wasn't hungry yet or had anywhere to be. Again she wished it was Jax rubbing her arms, holding her close but she had made her choice and no matter how painful, she was determined to live with it, at least for while she really did still live.  
  
~Blood Rose~  
  
Chapter 11:  
  
Rae raised a hesitant hand to knock on the door to the townhouse. Alan had immediately left the hospital and come to her hotel room to tell her of Skye's pregnancy and what it could do to her. Minutes had ticked by as she stared at him, unable to piece together in form of a sentence, or comprehensible thought. When at last the shock had worn off and then she'd been able to pull herself together after a release of emotions, she'd realized that Jax had to be told.  
  
Alan had voiced that it would be best for her to tell him while he notified the Quartermaines, but she new he just didn't want to. She didn't really mind, having to be the one to tell Jax the news, it was only a matter of her being able to control herself. She'd always been good at keeping in touch with her emotions but at the moment that didn't seem like such a good thing. 


	12. Chapter 11

~Blood Rose~  
  
It is all emotions in one,  
  
From joy to pain and fear.  
  
But with any emotion love may bring,  
  
It always brings a tear.  
  
(From Saffer, Daniel R.: Definition of Love)  
  
Chapter 11:  
  
Rae raised a hesitant hand to knock on the door to the townhouse. Alan had immediately left the hospital and come to her hotel room to tell her of Skye's pregnancy and what it could do to her. Minutes had ticked by as she stared at him, unable to piece together in form of a sentence, or comprehensible thought. When at last the shock had worn off and then she'd been able to pull herself together after a release of emotions, she'd realized that Jax had to be told.  
  
Alan had voiced that it would be best for her to tell him while he notified the Quartermaines, but she new he just didn't want to. She didn't really mind, having to be the one to tell Jax the news, it was only a matter of her being able to control herself. She'd always been good at keeping in touch with her emotions but at the moment that didn't seem like such a good thing.  
  
Drawing in a deep breath, Rae determinedly knocked on the door only to receive no answer.  
  
"Great," Rae muttered sarcastically.  
  
Finding the door unlocked Rae opened the door and proceeded inside. "Jax? Are you here?"  
  
She heard the sound of pounding feet and a few moments later Jax appeared rushing down the stairs. "Rae is there news? Did she come back? Did someone find-" he stopped seeing the look on her face as she shook her head sadly. "Oh," was all he managed.  
  
Her heart broke from him, she could she how it was tearing him up inside, the not knowing, the fear, the lost hope. She wasn't sure how she was going to manage telling him what she had to say, what she'd come for.  
  
"Jax, why don't you sit down, there's something we need to discuss."  
  
She watched as Jax immediately tensed, and the worry on his face did the impossible as it increased. His entire manner shouted emotions all brought for by her daughter's leaving. She knew that he was probably blaming himself, thinking if he'd only done this or that, and no matter what anyone said he'd continue to do so, she knew this because she felt the same. Rae didn't want to have to tell him what she'd learned about Skye, if anything it would only make him blame himself more, worry more, and get even less sleep as he did what he could to find her. She knew the only reason he physically wasn't traveling the world in blind hope was another hope, the hope Skye would come back or make contact and if she did, no matter how small the chance, he was determined to be there.  
  
Rae watched Jax sit down, apprehension and dread rolling in waves off of him. Taking a seat across from him she tried to gather her thoughts, tried to think of the right words only to realize she was at a loss. She was trained to know what to say, how to help people but in this instance, this task before her, there didn't seem to be any right words. Perhaps it was because she herself was to close to the situation, was having trouble wrapping her own mind about it.  
  
The silence extended between them, when at last she had to say something and the quicker the better.  
  
"Alan came to me a little while ago, he had been attempting to work when a co-worker approached him, Skye's doctor. She gave Alan some files on Skye, files on something Skye hadn't wanted us to know. Skye had been in an accident some years back, an accident that left her almost incapable of becoming pregnant, and that if she were a very small chance of living. The pressure of the baby would be too hard on her internals, and most likely cause internal bleeding. She, Skye was devastated, I've talked with a few people who knew her when it happened, she apparently lost it for a while, fell into a depression." Rae paused for a moment; all that was left now was to come to the point, which she had been avoiding. Fortunately, or unfortunately depending on one's point of view, she didn't have to.  
  
"Rae, I'm afraid I don't understand, you said that was some years ago then why-?" The realization of what it was Rae had come to tell him hit hard. Much like Rae had done, and Alan if she'd known it, Jax sat in shock letting the minutes tick by.  
  
"How long?" he managed to finally whisper.  
  
"According to her doctor, she would be about five months now."  
  
Five months. All that time and he hadn't known, hadn't been able to be there for her. He wondered what she must be going through, carrying a child alone, knowing it could kill her. Maybes and ifs entered Jax's mind, if he'd done this or that or done something to show she could trust him, that he could have handled the truth. That's why she left, wasn't it? She didn't think he loved her enough, couldn't trust him to stand by her? He should have done something all that time he was worried for instead of just doing nothing to prevent her from pushing away, obviously she took it to mean he didn't care, didn't it? With each new thought blaming himself more and became even more desperate to find her, he had to find her. He had to tell her they'd come through it together, that she could trust him, that he loved her. He couldn't bare the thought to loose her forever and he banished the thought, that maybe he already had.  
  
Along the Pacific Coast….  
  
Antoinette took her time coming back from her walk. The sun was setting changing the hues of grays to different shades. She'd always loved along the northern Pacific, the sky always seemed to reflect a mood of sadness, it suited her.  
  
She passed a few beach houses as she walked, paying them no mind. At one point a small child ran out to her, thinking she was someone else. Embarrassed the little girl had blushed then ran off again laughing to her mother's arms. Antoinette wondered if soon that would ever be her, opening her arms out for a small child to run into or if that gift would prove beyond her strength to hold to.  
  
Finally reaching her own house, she headed up the beach, away from the calming sea. It was strange that even though she'd been living there for several days she still felt a sense of foreboding as she walked up the wooden steps to the back door. Tensing as she opened the door she stepped into the kitchen area, after a moment when nothing happened she relaxed, feeling energy drain out of her.  
  
She'd been gone a lot longer than usual this time. She always set out for a specific point; it really wasn't that far but it held a special meaning in her heart she couldn't ignore. Sometimes she'd sit there for hours, replaying memories of a different time in her mind. It was a difficult for her to go there, but being so near it, she couldn't very well avoid it. Sometimes on the way back she'd have to stop and sit upon a washed up log in order to push away haunting thoughts and regain her composure long enough to continue.  
  
This time had been particularly painful and it hadn't helped that her little one had been particularly playful with in her, allowing for no moment of escape, keeping her conscious of where she was and why.  
  
Antoinette slipped off her shoes, deciding to nap awhile before making herself dinner. She headed down the hall to her room but for the first time stopped in front of the first door she came to. This was the door that led to the room she avoided; she knew what lay beyond it, a bedroom filled with boxes and old keepsakes. It was nothing special, at least to anyone else it would not be, for her it was room filled with woe.  
  
She stepped up to the door, laying a hand on the handle. She stood there, staring down at her hand upon the brass doorknob, breathing hard. She couldn't do it. Moving her hand from the knob she brought her hand up, hovering above where a small, stenciled rose was painted on top of the white door. She traced her fingertips along its outline, smiling sadly, remembering all those years ago when she placed it there.  
  
Backing away from the door, she continued to her room and crawled into bed. No sleep came. 


	13. Chapter 12

Alright, a little authors note that if you feel that you fall into the category of someone with virgin eyes and ears, you might want to skip over the flashback in this chapter, (  
  
~Blood Rose~  
  
Grief and pain are the price we humans pay  
  
for the love and total commitment  
  
we have for another person.  
  
The more we love, the greater the pain.  
  
But, would we have it any other way?  
  
(From Memories and Pain, unknown author)  
  
Chapter 12:  
  
Rae sat alone in her room a cold cup of tea in her hands. She was lost in thought, letting her mind wander over the past week. She had come to Port Charles to help her daughter not find her, not that she was actually able to do anything to aid in the search. She felt like she should be out doing something but the rational part of her mind knew going out blindly searching would be nothing but a waste of time. She could go back to Lanview for all the good she was doing but she didn't want to leave. She supposed that she was serving some purpose, she had some how ended up the bridge between the Quartermaine efforts and Jax's, that there had been anything to pass between, well aside from Skye's pregnancy.  
  
Closing her eyes and setting aside the old tea, Rae sat back in her chair. She knew some of what Skye was going through, carrying a child on her own, but then that wasn't really true at all. Rae had had her parents, even if in the end they did betray her but she knew they were only doing what they thought best, while Skye had no one except for the threat of death. Not to mention that Skye was in a class all on her own, that no matter what the circumstance it would inedible be different for Skye, that her mind set would keep her apart in some way.  
  
Rae's thoughts drifted away from her daughter to her daughter's lover. Jax hadn't taken the news she'd given him the other day very well. She could tell that he had already been blaming himself, but then everyone close to Skye was some how blaming themselves for her leaving playing what ifs in their minds, but Jax was doing so above any others and learning of Skye's condition had only made it worse.  
  
Letting her thoughts drift here and there, touching upon Alan's distress, her own, even those that hadn't liked Skye were showing concern and worry, if more so for how it affected those they did care about, but reserving some just for her daughter. There was something to be said for human compassion; even it often came too late. Lost in her thoughts Rae was abruptly disturbed by a very loud knocking.  
  
Jumping up from her seat she threw up the door expecting Alan or even Jax, most certainly not Adam Chandler.  
  
Thousands of miles away…  
  
It was storming outside, dark ominous clouds had gathered above pouring forth rain and clashing in loud booms and bright flashes. Inside the small house a fire was crackling mischievously in the fireplace but Antoinette was not enjoying it. Instead she was sitting on the cold floor of the bathroom feeling ill, wondering how they could call it mourning sickness when it seemed capable of lasting all day.  
  
She leaned back against the wall, closing her eyes, listening to the rain hitting the roof. She had many vivid memories with in her mind related to thunderstorms and now hearing one happening gave her a sense of apprehension. She jumped slightly at the sound of a thunderclap much nearer than the previous ones.  
  
Thinking back, she thought of her most recent thunderstorm experience, though that particular memory succeeded in bringing a smile. She and Jax had been out walking in the park not far from the townhouse when the storm had come in swiftly and unexpectedly. They had been about two blocks away when the heavens had opened up pouring forth had it had to offer…  
  
*~*Flashback*~*  
  
"Jax come on!" Antoinette shouted behind her, running along the sidewalk. By the time the town house came into view she was thoroughly drenched from head to toe. Reaching the edge of their yard, she yanked open the back gate and dashed across the backyard towards the door. Unfortunately, she hit a particularly slippery patch of grass and slid to the ground.  
  
"Are you all right?" Jax asked her, looking down, barely containing his laughter.  
  
With a sweet smile and a sparkling glare, she reached up and yanked him down to the ground next to her. Smiling happily she got up attempted to brush herself off heading towards the door.  
  
"Oh no you don't!" Jax shouted tackling her back to the ground ruthlessly tickling her.  
  
"Jax, stop! Jax! Please!" she pleaded gasping for air amidst her uncontrollable laughter.  
  
Pulling back, Jax looked down at her, pressed between him and the ground, as he straddled her, glaring up at him, her lips in a pout.  
  
Grinning mischievously, he lowered himself, pressing his lips against hers. Forgetting that they were soaked and muddy, she eagerly responded, parting her lips under his. She yanked at his sweater, pulling it over his head leaving his masculine chest bare and smooth to her touch. He worked one arm under her, pulling her up closer to him while his other hand moved along the outside of her body.  
  
Her own arms were wrapped about him, her hands moving up and down his wet back. She gasped against his mouth as his hand went up under her skirt and along the insides of her thigh, leaving hot trails where his fingertips touched her sensitive skin.  
  
Moving his hand up further, he began applying pressure with in her, pressing harder and increasing the movement of his fingers as her body shuddered and racked beneath him.  
  
She grasped the back of his head with one hand, entangling her fingers in his hair as she felt him maneuvering in order to reach her, and she spread her legs to receive him.  
  
Their movements flowed together, matching each other with each jump of passion and heat. Leaning her head against her partner's, Antoinette looked to the purple heavens above as their movements reached a climax that caused her to dig her nails painfully into his back and cry out, a sound that was lost in the storm as lightning lit across the sky in an explosion of streaks and thunder.  
  
*~*End of flashback*~*  
  
Antoinette smiled, thinking of how her entire body had tingled afterwards, and how they'd continued their activities inside, shedding the rest of the wet clothes. That had been shortly after they'd bought the townhouse, about five months ago.  
  
Five months.  
  
Antoinette brought her hand up to her middle, feeling the life in side her, the life that had been created five months ago. She wondered if it was possible that it had been on that night, during that unforgettable storm that the little one with in her had been made.  
  
Feeling better, she got up and went to enjoy the fire she had started. It had died down slightly, casting a flickering red glow all around the room. She curled up on the couch, facing the fire while the storm dissipated outside. She reached out and took up Jax's blue dress shirt that she had left on the table earlier. Bringing it to her noise, she inhaled the soap and spice mixture that was Jax, remembering his arms about her, their many nights of passionate lovemaking, and wept for all she'd lost. 


	14. Chapter 13

~Blood Rose~  
  
Sleep while you can now,  
  
so watery and warm.  
  
For outside this world,  
  
Is a terrible storm.  
  
Soon you'll discover,  
  
the taste of your tears.  
  
So sleep now my loved one,  
  
My baby, my dear.  
  
(From Ultrasound Poem, author unknown)  
  
Chapter 13:  
  
Rae sat in the Quartermaine sitting room, rubbing her temples and resisting the urge to scream. Adam had finally gotten back from his business trip to receive the message she'd left for him at his estate. Instead of calling her, he'd decided to 'grace' everyone with his presence. It had taken a long time, longer due to his periodic outbursts, to explain Skye's disappearance, especially as she also had to explain Skye's coming to Port Charles in the first place, which of course lead to who the Quartermaines were in relation to Skye. Not even waiting to sort everything out and calm down, Adam had demanded Rae take him to the Quartermaines, and as she knew he'd confront them with or with out her, she decided it would be better with.  
  
She wasn't sure how long the shouting matches had been going on. The Quartermaines and Adam seemed to be engaged in an argument of who was the worst family to Skye, Alan being the most vocal on the Quartermaine side, going head to head with Adam. The biggest explosion came when Adam found out Skye was pregnant, Rae hadn't had a chance to tell him with his demands to be brought here.  
  
Sighing, Rae stood up to try, yet again, to get them to realize their arguments certainly weren't helping anything, but the last few shouted words prevented her from doing so.  
  
"Well why haven't you found her yet? With your supposed resources it can't be that hard for you," Adam sneered at Alan.  
  
"I've told you, we're trying, we've got all the best people working to find her," Alan said back through clenched teeth.  
  
"If you had the best people then you would have found her by now!"  
  
"If you know anything about Skye then you know she's smart and would hardly make it easy for us to find her if she didn't want to be found. We know she sold her car then was seen at the airport. There are no records of a Skye anything departing, she must have used a different name, and it'll take time tracking other passengers to see if any of them remember having her on their flight."  
  
"No records of a Skye you say? Did it ever occur to you to look under her first name!" Adam shouted at Alan, his face flushed, and for once Alan didn't seem to have a reply nor, apparently, did anyone else. Instead, everyone stared at Adam trying to process his last words.  
  
Finally AJ broke the silence with a simple fragment of a question. "Her first name?"  
  
Adam laughed bitterly, glaring at all of them, "You try to call yourselves her true family and yet you don't even know her first name. Tell me, do you know anything about my daughter?" Adam's eyes blazed, and Alan geared up to match him, when Rae finally stepped in, speaking quietly.  
  
"And you have room to talk Adam? Like you really know anything about Skye besides perhaps some stunts she pulled in your presence. I don't think any of us knew Skye as much as we may have thought but rather made assumptions, which I believe now is exactly what Skye wanted." With a heavy sigh, she turned to Adam to ask a rather ironic question if you thought about it, "What's my daughter's first name?"  
  
"Antoinette, Skye's her middle name, she didn't start using it till, well till she didn't want me knowing she was my daughter."  
  
The statement brought confused glances all around, but Rae prevented any questions on the matter, for the present time at least, by turning to Alan.  
  
"You notify your people, I'll go talk to Jax so he can do the same."  
  
Exchanging brief nods, Rae grabbed her purse and headed out, feeling like an absolute failure. It never had once entered her mind that she didn't know Skye's full name, bothered to ask her middle name, which would have lead to learning her first, didn't know really anything about her. She had made observations about her walls, her mannerisms, the way she'd react to things and had thought that was enough to say she knew who Skye was; now she had an awful creeping feeling that was telling her, apparently she didn't know much more than the shell that was Skye, leaving everything that really mattered untouched.  
  
Jax slept lightly on the couch, he hadn't been able to sleep in the bedroom since Skye left. He'd too often find himself staring at the spot where Skye should have been, waking up from the occasionally slumber reaching out into the air, wanting to touch her, hold her. What sleep he did get was restless, filled with dreams of Skye that made his heart ache, and more often, nightmares, and today was no exception.  
  
***Dreamland***  
  
The woods were dark and damp, the branches above hid the stars, blocking any guiding light they might have provided. Along a winding uneven path a man ran. His pants were tattered and bloody but he did not stop, not even to rest, but kept running, and running.  
  
He was aware of the pains shooting up his legs, aware of how hard it was becoming to breath, he was aware that his body was crying in protest but he didn't care.  
  
Right now only one thing matter, getting to her. He could here her screaming in terror and pain, the sound vibrated in his ears, throbbing, echoing. So long as she was screaming, so long as he could hear her, he knew that she was alive, that he could find her. The screaming stopped.  
  
With a groan, he stumbled into a clearing, falling to his knees. Pale moonlight streamed down, reaching for the ground. Looking up Jax saw something, a figure on the other side of the clearing, lying motionless on the ground.  
  
Forcing himself up, the man rushed towards the figure, recognizing the flaming red hair revealed by the pale moonlight. He reached out for her, his fingertips brushing her fair hair, and in that instant she was gone.  
  
The ground lurched, throwing the man to the ground. He struggled to his feet, finding himself no longer in the dark woods but in an open expanse of grassland, the sky dark and cloudy above him. Looking around, looking for her, he heard a new sound, breaking through the silence.  
  
A cry, innocent and pure, reached his ears, the wail of a baby's sobs. Out of the corner of his eyes, he saw a dark figure running through the tall grasses, the cry getting further and further away.  
  
"Wait!" he called, running after it, fighting through the grasses, struggling to find a path. He ran faster and faster, pouring all he had into his flowing, rhythmic movement, but the figure only got further and further away, the cry becoming weaker and weaker.  
  
The figure slipped beyond his slight, the crying no longer reaching his ears. Blindly he kept running. Running and running.  
  
Falling.  
  
The earth disappeared beneath his feet; he fell as everything shifted once again, changing. Landing softly in sand, he rolled down a small embankment, onto more sand, only wet. To his left the ocean spread out for an impossible distance, and before him on the ground was a trail of footprints already being swept away by the softly rolling waves.  
  
Picking himself up, he ran along the trail, feet hitting the wet sand, the salt water causing his open cuts to sting. On and on he continued, flowing a disappearing path till it veered away from the sea and up a small dune. Racing up the sandy side, he neared the top when again his vision swirled and blurred as everything changed.  
  
His heart skipped a beat, and his body shuddered. He stood now in the middle of a cemetery, rows and rows of graves marked by slabs of granite to either side of him and beyond. There was no sounds, obscure figures, or the simplest of trails to follow but it didn't seem to matter. As if they had a will of their own, his feet carried him forward. A great sense of unease took him, a feeling of foreboding as he walked a seemingly familiar way, passing numerous graves.  
  
Then in front of him he saw what he'd strangely been expecting. Three tombstones stood out, apart from the rest and together with each other. There were no words on the graves, no markings of any kind; there was no need for them  
  
With out having to be told the man knew whose graves were before him.  
  
One was hers, one the baby's, and one his own.  
  
***'Reality'***  
  
Jax came to with a start, falling off the couch with as he jolted awake. Sitting up so he was leaning against the couch, he passes a hand over his face, trying to push away the images burning on the inside of his eyelids.  
  
It took him several moments to come to the realization someone was knocking on the door. Dragging himself up, he hurried to the door, throwing it open to reveal a very surprised looking Rae.  
  
Elsewhere…  
  
Antoinette sat upon an old log that had been deposited on the sand by the waves at high tide. On her lap a novel she'd picked up on her last trip into town sat untouched. Instead, a small picture held her attention, an ultrasound picture. She cried, looking at the outline of her baby, wondering if she'd ever get to hold the little one in her arms, wondering if the life inside were would have a chance know what it was like to live.  
  
Looking away, she stared out at the ocean with out really seeing it at all. 


	15. Chapter 14

Alright, yes I know it's been a while, especially for such a short chapter as this is, but to put it simply, school is evil! G. I know you were probably expecting some chatter between Jax and Rae but what was said really isn't important, only the result which you will see. This chapter is a turning point, keep in mind not *the* turning point, but a necessary turning point none the less if minor.  
  
~Blood Rose~  
  
They say love it blind  
  
And what of hope?  
  
They say love is kind  
  
Is hope so too?  
  
They say love is patient  
  
Does hope not last?  
  
The say love endures  
  
Is hope not strong?  
  
I say love it to hope  
  
And hope is to love  
  
What of you?  
  
(From: frankly I have no idea, I wrote it down from somewhere…)  
  
  
  
Chapter 14:  
  
The wet air held the strong smell of fish as the sounds of a busy market drifted all about a man apart. Three weeks had passed since Rae had come to him with Skye's first name, two weeks since he had tracked her various flights to Seattle, and after two weeks here he was, still in Seattle.  
  
He had remained in Port Charles for as long as he had hoping she'd come back, hoping that he'd be there to welcome her home and kiss away her troubles and tears. Staying in a place where with every turn there was a memory of her smile or touch had not been easy but he'd managed on his hope, his blind hopeless hope.  
  
Then he'd opened a door half naked to a surprised, if also embarrassed, Rae revealing that he did not even know the name of the woman he loved and realized she was not coming home, not so long as he was doing little to ensure that she really wasn't gone forever, and her being gone forever was not something he would accept, now nor ever.  
  
He was determined to find Antoinette Skye Chandler-Quartermaine whatever else she might be named and make her see how much he loved her, that he was ready to stand by her, that he had faith in their strength to make it through her pregnancy, but determination alone didn't seem to be working. Sometime after arriving in Seattle and buying a car she'd disappeared. She could have gone anywhere on land in that car, even to a different airport to leave the country.  
  
He knew that she could be anywhere in the world, but he hoped that she had felt the confidence in her other measures not to make that move. There was that word again, hope. For hope he'd done a lot of things, for hope he was standing in the middle of Seattle's downtown market in case she'd stayed in Seattle and felt the need to get out, for hope he was going out in groundless leaps of faith, and for hope he was determined. He would find her, he would make her see how much he loved her, he would get her to open up, to come home with him where they could raise their child, or at least so he hoped.  
  
No longer so far away…  
  
Antoinette was again in front of the mirror, looking at her reflection. Her little one had grown; her middle was no longer passable as anything but showing a life within. Stuck in the frame of the mirror were all the ultrasound pictures she'd had and on the nightstand were various books on child development, she had found it fascinating looking at the different stages of development the life with in her had gone through and would with time. She hadn't been able to read the sections referring to the stages beyond the womb, every time she tried her tears would make it too difficult to see the printed words.  
  
She had another appointment in town today, she scheduled more than under normal circumstances would be necessary, but hers were not normal circumstances. Leaving the realm with in the mirror, she went to take her morning pills. Despite all that was going on within her, she had come to follow a routine; some happenings were subject to change, but others, such as her mornings and more importantly her walks, were not. She had a plan before her, a plan that while might not guarantee her own life, was the best for the one with in her, the one just beginning, the one of innocence and hope. 


	16. Chapter 15

~Blood Rose~  
  
Joining across the ages  
  
Past and Present  
  
Pain and Love  
  
Side by side  
  
Split - apart  
  
Reuniting  
  
In the shadows  
  
(From: Nomrah, Asil: In the Shadows)  
  
Chapter 15:  
  
Jax was lying on his hotel bed, staring up at the ceiling; he'd stopped bothering to look at the clock. Sometimes to his mind minutes would tick my in a second and at other times mere seconds would seem to pass when it'd been well over an hour. He had come accustomed to passing his nights like this, he never slept till enough hours had compounded on him to knock him out for one night with dreamless sleep only to have the cycle begin again.  
  
He had tried listening to music, but the lyrics only reminded him of her. He had tried turning on the TV, but he'd find himself thinking of how she would react to whatever was on. Even now, as he stared blankly at the ceiling, the thoughts and images that passed through his mind were all in some way connected to her.  
  
Lost in his thoughts, it took several rings of the phone to capture his attention. Launching out of the bed he grabbed his cell phone, frantically answering it with a low 'hello.' He listened patiently to the voice on the other side of the line, only mumbling a few wordless sounds in response, and than a brief 'thank you,' at the end of the call.  
  
For a while, he sat there motionless, at the end of his bed, holding the phone in front of him. Slowly a smile crossed his face and a new thought entered his mind.  
  
He had her.  
  
A few hours later…  
  
Jax drove along the long sandy road, resisting the urge to push his car to top speed. He passed a few small beach houses, some boarded up and others in use; none were the one he was looking for. Passing another beach house to his left, he caught the address number, the next one had to be hers. Against his better judgment, he pushed harder on the gas petal, rounding a corner. In the distance, set against the pale gray-blue sky, Jax caught sight of her beach house for the first time. He shuddered involuntarily, the picture before him seemed to speak of sadness and loneliness for some unexplainable reason he could comprehend. He hated the thought that that's where Skye was staying.  
  
He turned up the drive and parked behind what he knew to be her new car. Getting out, he concentrated on not running up the wooden steps, break the door down, and pull her into an embrace and threaten to never let go. Slowly, if not calmly, he walked up the steps to come to a stop in front of her door. Bringing his hand up, he knocked politely on the door and waited.  
  
Nothing happened.  
  
Again he knocked, this time harder, and again there came no response. Turning the brass knob, he gently pushed the door open and stepped inside.  
  
Looking around he could see the evidence of someone living in the house, but what he didn't see was who. Skye wasn't in living room and didn't appear from anywhere as he walked about and called for her. It wasn't until he stepped into the kitchen and through a chance glance out the back window that he saw her.  
  
She was sitting on a log that had drifted up the beach seemingly a part of the scenery, and yet apart. Alone she sat, with her arms wrapped around herself gazing out over the ocean.  
  
Slowly and silently Jax went out the back door and descended the back steps, creeping up behind her. He came to stand several feet away from her, never once uttering a word or making a sound loud enough to catch her attention. Apart from her he stood still, staring at her back, waiting for her to see him.  
  
Antoinette was aware of nothing but the wide expanse of water before her. She watched the waves roll in and out, hitting the shore in a soft, steady manner. Her mind wondered settling on no single thought or image existing in life on the beach and in mind no where at all. It wasn't until she felt a gentle kick inside her that she seemed to come back to the present. She smiled looking down at her own enlarged stomach, remembering seeing the life with in her kicking and moving on the ultrasound screen a few days before. She was about six months now, two thirds of the way through, all that much closer to the end.  
  
Sighing, she stood up slowly, on hand resting on her middle as she straightened. With a final look out at the calming sea she turned to head inside when instead she saw him.  
  
Together on the beach the two stood, and yet very much apart. The small distance between them seemed to be an expanse of miles. Neither rushed to the other, smiled, nor even uttered a word. Instead they simple stared, blues eyes to brown and brown to blue. On one side a tall, handsome man and on the other a flame-haired woman obviously with child. They were a beautiful pair, standing still upon the sand, but they weren't really a pair at all. A mask of emotions lay hidden in her eyes and in his an unexpected uncertainty. Together on the beach the two stood, and yet very much apart. 


	17. Chapter 16

~Blood Rose~  
  
Yet, love and hate me too,  
  
So, these extremes shall neither office do;  
  
Love me, that I may die the gentler way;  
  
Hate me, because thy love is too great for me.  
  
(Quote from John Donne)  
  
Chapter 16:  
  
He started at her, wanting to reach out to her but something held him back. He wasn't sure what he'd been expecting when he found her, happiness? Tears? Anger? He did know it wasn't this. This being the expanding silence, the cloudy unreadable look in her eyes, the lack of some tangible reaction. He took a moment to look at her, all of her. Her hair was loose in curling locks dancing in the wind. She looked fairly healthy, slightly pale but not anywhere near the color of death that she had been at Spoon Island. She wore a flowing spring dress that did nothing to hide her enlarged middle. His throat contracted, going impossibly drier, as he looked at the evidence of the child with in her.  
  
He had been told she was pregnant, accepted it as fact but it had never been real to him, that she was carrying a child, his child. He realized for the first time not what that meant for her exclusively with her medical complications, but that she must have discovered morning sickness, mood swings, and all the other such experiences that came with being pregnant. How he wished he could have been there for him, but then again, he knew that she apparently hadn't wanted him there, that she had left by her choice. That knowledge had been the hardest to accept, and indeed, even now he didn't accept it, not really.  
  
Antoinette stared back at him as he had started at him. She watched him as he surveyed her, took note as he looked at her enlarged middle with little actual surprise in his eyes. For some reason his lack of surprise really didn't surprise her, nor really did his presence. It was almost like she'd expected him to find out she was with child, his child, and to come looking for her and succeed, and perhaps in the forbidden parts of her mind she had. In the time since she'd left him she'd thought of him often, but never allowed her to think of him finding out, finding her, she hadn't wanted to deal with that possibility. However, he was here now and she had to accept it and deal with it, she would not run away again, it was too late for that.  
  
Turning her head away from him, she spoke to him calmly in a voice betraying no clear emotion.  
  
"You found me."  
  
A simple statement, no hint of a question in her tone and requiring no response. He didn't.  
  
"You know everything. I assume from Dr. Jenison."  
  
Again a statement, she didn't feel there was a need to put it into a question. This time, however, he nodded.  
  
"Why?"  
  
She turned back to him uttering this word, this single, solitary word. Now he responded with words.  
  
"You know why."  
  
She smiled softly at him, a sadness held in the smile.  
  
"Do I? Perhaps I do. But then that doesn't mean I couldn't hope you'd leave it alone. I wanted to be alone, I'd think that I made that clear."  
  
"I have the right to be here."  
  
She tilted her head to one side, looking at him, wondering why he was keeping himself in check, holding in all the sweet words she was sure he had planned on telling her. But then, she was sure he knew enough to know that right now that wouldn't work. There was much he didn't understand, he was aware of that, as was she, but she also knew he wanted to understand. The question became one of wither or not she would ever give him the chance to understand and at the moment, even she couldn't honestly say.  
  
Sighing, she walked around him, heading up the wooden steps.  
  
"There is a spare room, second door on the right down the hall. Your welcome to stay as long as you need to. Understand, my choices are my own."  
  
She turned to him upon her last statement, looking at him a few steps bellow, waiting for a response. There had been a warning in her tone, and he was aware that right now it would be no use to argue with her and that to do so would only hurt.  
  
"I understand."  
  
Nodding, she turned back around and head up towards the house aware of him following behind.  
  
She hadn't wanted to expect him, but here he was. He had wanted to expect a different reunion, but there wasn't one. All her efforts had been in disappearing and letting it be. All his efforts had been in finding her, and not letting it be. They were stuck together in a difference, like two sides of the same coin, bound in one yet different. There had been no real thoughts of what the actual reality would be if they met again, there was no knowledge to what their own moves would be let alone the moves to expect from the other. They were caught in a paradigm of uncertainty where only one thing was sure, that the next few weeks were to be the strangest, most emotional, and revealing weeks in either of their lives. 


	18. Chapter 17

~Blood Rose~  
  
I hear you I hear you right next to me  
  
Not a sound do you make nor do I perceive  
  
Except in silence speaks volumes to me  
  
Except in this silence your grace I see.  
  
(From MichaelAngle: Silence)  
  
Chapter 17:  
  
Two weeks had passed since Jax had found Skye, and he wasn't sure what to make off all that had transpired, not to say that anything really had because it hadn't. Since that odd reunion, they had fallen into a pattern, or more likely he had fallen into one she already had.  
  
The mornings varied a little, consisting of one or the other reading, going down the shore, him working on his laptop or her sketching. He had been surprised the day he had gotten up to see her on the deck sketching the expanse before her in a notepad; she had remarkable talent and wondered briefly why he had never seen her do so before. Their meals weren't noteworthy, one or the other would simply get up and make a meal for two, she usually made breakfast, he dinner, and lunch was handled by however thought of it first. They rarely spoke to one another and when they did, it was nothing more than to announce a meal, or when she left for her walk. It never failed, every afternoon she'd head down towards the beach, then head north up the shore. He had moved to go with her the first day but she had firmly said no in a way that left no argument. They had gone to town once together to the grocery store. He drove them there, followed her about as she got what was needed, then drove them back, not a single word had transpired the entire way, not that he expected there to have been.  
  
It was getting late, dinner was ready and the sun was low on the horizon but Skye had yet appeared in the distance. Jax held himself from going down to the shoreline, he didn't want her to think even for a moment that he had been following, not that he hadn't considered it. He was there if she needed him and right now he had to accept that any conversations had to be started by her, least he pushed her even further away by mistake.  
  
Heading to his own room to grab a warmer shirt he paused part way down the hall, paused right in front of the first door on the left. It was a white door unremarkable aside from the painted red rose it bore. He had observed that Skye never went into it and that when she passed it her step was just noticeably quicker though she herself didn't seem to realize it. He wondered why that was, he had learned by some research that the house had been hers for years, that the title had been passed down to her. He hadn't mentioned this of course, that would not had been a good idea, but he had to wonder if this hadn't been the first time she'd actually taken residence here. There had to be a reason she avoided the room, just another secret, another thing unspoken between them.  
  
Jax was tired of secrets, tired of things unspoken, there was something more than the high risk pregnancy on Skye's mind, of that he was sure, the question was what. Beyond that door might lay some answers, beyond that door might be what he needed to understand, something that might help him know how to get her to open up with out pushing her away.  
  
He brought his hand up to the handle, hesitated a moment, than opened the door. He caught sight of a four-poster bed, stacks of boxes, and an old chest pushed off to one side. He was about to step inside the room when the sound of a creaking floorboard reached his ears. He turned quickly to find Skye standing in the living room staring directly at him.  
  
Jax opened his mouth to speak, to apologize, but she quickly eliminated the space between them, reached past him grabbing the door handle, and yanked it shut. She stood there, her hand pressed against the door, her head lowered while he stood next to her, looking down at her head wordlessly. It was the closet they had come to one another since his arrival and yet it seemed the distance between them was now even greater.  
  
Slowly Skye lifted her head, stepping away from him, away from the door, as she looked at him. Her eyes were sharp, intense with a cold anger, and something else he couldn't identify. For an endless amount of time she stared at him while he resisted the urge to shrink back in guilt then wordlessly she turned and headed in the kitchen. After a moment he followed her, sitting down at the table as she put the plates he'd left in the oven to keep warm on the table. The ate in the same silence that had been there since Jax's arrival but for some reason, tonight it seemed all the more deafening. 


	19. Chapter 18

~Blood Rose~  
  
Yes I'm having a baby  
  
I can feel him grow everyday  
  
Yes he sits inside me  
  
I can tell he is on his way  
  
When I lay awake a night  
  
I can feel him move about  
  
I'm hoping everything is alright  
  
Sometimes he makes me want to shout  
  
I am filled with so much fear  
  
(From Melchiore, Kelly: Yes, I'm Having a Baby)  
  
Chapter 18:  
  
While Jax wordlessly cleaned up the kitchen Antoinette retreated to her bedroom to retrieve the novel she was currently reading. As she headed back down the hall, novel in hand, she paused in front of the ominous door. She stared at it for a long time, so many of her nightmares centered around that door and more importantly what it held for her memories. She had considered covering the door, make it appear as nothing more than part of the wall, but it wouldn't matter. She would never forget anything that had happened in this house on that stormy day so many years ago.  
  
Breaking her gaze from the painted rose it bore, she crossed the living room and stretched out on the couch. She tried to concentrate on her novel, staring at the printed words before her as she processed them. She hadn't gotten very far when a sudden unexpected, slightly painful kick emanated from within her. She gave a startled cry, dropping her novel and putting a hand to her middle.  
  
A loud crashing sound came from the kitchen and in mere moments Jax had dashed out to her, kneeling beside her, blasting her with questions about her well-being. Her heart broke at the painfully sweet worry she could see in his eyes, broke for everything she'd caused him to feel. With all of her being she wished she could have had the strength long ago to push him away, she had known from the beginning she would cause him pain, that was after all what she did. Cause pain.  
  
Jax looked up at her, seeing that her mind was elsewhere, thinking about something that obviously worried her.  
  
"Skye, what happened, are you ok?" he asked desperately, trying to get her attention.  
  
She focused on him briefly before looking away, reaching for her novel.  
  
"Fine, just a little startled, the baby kicked me."  
  
"Oh."  
  
Jax looked away from her, down to her middle. Without even really thinking about what he was doing he moved closer to her middle and lowered his head, lying it lightly on top of the bulge and felt his child's movements for the first time.  
  
He closed his eyes, smiling as he listened to and felt the movements of the life with in her, the life he had helped to create, the life that he was apart of, and had already become apart of him.  
  
He opened his eyes slowly, looking into the large brown ones across from him. She stared at him as he stared at her, there were no expressions on her face that he could read and her eyes held that same mixture of emotions he had yet been able to decipher from when he'd first happened upon her at the beach.  
  
Seconds ticked by slowly, the link between their eyes never being broken till at last she turned her head, looking down to her novel. He closed his own eyes again, concentrating on the motions of the unborn life. They stayed like that for a long time, her reading, him listening, neither one of them betraying that the act was anything but usual.  
  
It was getting late and Antoinette's eyes were getting tired. Jax had gotten up and left presumably to finish cleaning up in the kitchen though she thought she had heard the back door open so she assumed he was down by the beach, he did that a lot at night.  
  
Pushing herself up, she headed down to her room and proceeded to get ready for bed. She was about to crawl into bed when she caught a slight movement out of the corner of her eye. Jax was standing in the open doorway to her room, she usually closed it but she didn't think it seemed necessary this time. The boundaries between her and Jax had been established, at least as much as they could be with such unclear and confusing invisible lines.  
  
She looked at him standing there, leaning against the doorframe with arms folded, watching her. Suddenly he crossed the threshold of her doorway, closing the distance between them. He bent down and kissed her on the check while at the same moment pressing a warm hand to her middle.  
  
She flinched.  
  
Pulling back he tried to hide the sadness in his eyes from her reaction. With a quiet 'goodnight,' he silently left her room, closing her door behind him. She stood frozen in place, staring after the door. Slowly she raised one hand to her check and another to him middle, a single tear cascading from her eye. She didn't deserve his tender care, not when she brought such pain to his eyes.  
  
Sighing, she laid down on her bed, drifting away to an uneasy sleep…  
  
~Dreamland~  
  
A lone figure ran through the darkness, her bare feet pounding the searing sand. Above her dark black clouds had gathered, blocking all light from view, she didn't need it. She knew the path before her by instinct, beside her great roaring waves fought against each other, reaching out towards as if calling to her, trying to claim her for the sea. She ran on.  
  
To her left, out of the darkness a well lit home loomed, but there was no comfort in the red glow, she ran towards it. Up splintery steps she ran, climbing closer to her goal. Her chest heaving, heart pounding, she threw herself through a screen door, coming to a sudden halt.  
  
Before her shards of shattered glass crossed her intended path, she couldn't stop, there was no going back, she forced herself forward, as screams of pain were called out, but not by her. The screams rose higher and higher speaking of pain and terror and she called out to the other voice, pleading with it to stop, she couldn't take it, couldn't take the pain she felt as the sound echoed through her own soul. She knew that scream.  
  
In front of her a white door came into view, white and red with a rose. She grabbed at the handle only to jump back as her skin sizzled and burned, she couldn't bear to touch it. She pounded at the door, willing it to break, screaming great heavy cries to let her in, to give her a chance.  
  
A sensation of dampness traveled up from her feet. Thick red blood was seeping out from under the door frame, spreading over the hardwood floors around her. Sobbing she backed up until she was caught against a wall, no where to go but through the spreading blood before her. She looked up at the door through her tears, more blood was seeping along the cracks and the door bulged out ward as if a flood was threatening to break through, a flood of blood.  
  
Falling to her knees she covered her ears, trying to shut out the throbbing sound of screams reaching her from the other side, calling out to her. Her entire body racked as great waves of shock flowed through her, searing pain flowing out through her body. With her last bought of energy she emitted a final horrific savage scream of her own, throwing herself at the door, clawing at it, tearing at it with her fingers till they bled.  
  
Everything was getting blurrier, the deafening sounds of screams duller, she was being pulled back, being dragged away from the door but she couldn't allow it, she had to get through. She couldn't  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Antoinette opened her eyes, choking back her sobs, blindly reaching out through her tears to grab hold of the figure before her, latching on as if for her life.  
  
Jax immediately responded, wrapping his arms around her, holding her close and rocking her back and forth. After some time had passes he felt her entire body go limp in exhaustion, and once again she was asleep. 


	20. Chapter 19

~Blood Rose~  
  
There is a two-fold Silence -- sea and shore --  
  
Body and soul. One dwells in lonely places,  
  
Newly with grass o'er grown; some solemn graces,  
  
Some human memories and tearful lore,  
  
(From Poe, Edgar Allan: Silence)  
  
Chapter 19:  
  
Antoinette awoke to the sound a soft breathing and steady rising and falling motion. She opened her eyes to find that she was lying against Jax's bare chest. Quickly she sat up, pulling herself away.  
  
"Skye?" Jax sat up groggily, opening his eyes and reaching out for her. Antoinette turned from him, getting out of bed, the memory of her nightmare coming back to her and finding peace in his comforting arms.  
  
"I have to get ready, I have an appointment-"  
  
"Skye, please, don't do this-" Jax threw the covers aside, getting to his own feet.  
  
"No, just- don't. I have to get ready." Backing away, she stepped into the master bathroom, quickly shutting the door, a barrier between Jax and herself. On one side she sat on the edge of the bathtub, head in her hands and on the other he stood staring at the barrier, hopelessly lost at what to do.  
  
The ride to town was long and silent. Jax stared straight ahead, driving her to her seven-month check up. Out of the corner of his eye he could see Skye leaning her head against the cool windowpane, her eyes closed. There was a bluish tint around her eyes, speaking of her uneasy sleep the night before. It didn't take much for her to show the signs of tiredness.  
  
He parked the car outside the small hospital, and quickly got out. He walked around to the other side of the car and opened the door slowly, catching her as she slide sideways in her sleep. She opened her eyes slowly, resting on his face briefly in confusion, then looking around, finding her bearings.  
  
"Are we late?" she asked as she climbed out, not looking at him.  
  
"A few minutes, I don't think they'll mind."  
  
She nodded, looking down at the ground, ignoring his offered hand. Jax stepped back as she shut the door and began heading off, watching her as she got several feet ahead. A fleeting moment of anger and despair passed, settling on a determination. With a few long strides, he came along side her and slipped his hand into hers. He watched her reaction out of the corner of his eye, keeping his head forward. She glanced at him, a guarded look of confusion, then looked away, surprisingly allowing her hand to remain in his. He didn't venture a guess if that really was a good thing, the possibilities of significance in the action, or lack of one. He was content to in this moment let things be with out question, this moment in time was after all about the baby, their baby, and not them, at least not directly.  
  
Antoinette waited patiently for her doctor to appear, leaning back on the upright patient's bed with her eyes once again closed. She was aware of Jax moving about her nervously, looking at the posters about child development in the room they'd been shown to. She was used to the waiting as well as the procedure to having an ultrasound done and comfortable in this increasingly familiar hospital, he was not.  
  
She heard a door open and the voice of her doctor.  
  
"Hello Ms. Chandler, let's-" Dr. Peterson trailed off, and Antoinette saw the other woman's eyes go questioningly to Jax. Antoinette could imagine the thoughts going through her mind, wondering how this man was and where had he been before. She was well aware she, her pregnancy, and choice of residence was quite the subject of gossip in this relatively small town where everyone knew just about everyone else, she didn't care.  
  
Bringing herself can to focus, Dr. Peterson quickly set to her duty, she had picked up on her patients preference to excluding small talk and getting to the point. It wasn't long before everything was in place and a small, moving outline of a figure could be seen on the black and white screen of the ultrasound machine.  
  
Antoinette smiled at the image of her baby, nodding silently when Dr. Peterson said everything looked fine, and left to refill her prenatal prescription for her, leaving her alone with the image, and Jax.  
  
She looked over at him, he was sitting beside her on a stool, completely absorbed with the live picture of his child, kicking and moving before him. He had taken her hand in his again when he'd sat down and was now gripping it almost painfully tight, completely unaware that he was doing so.  
  
She sadly watched his rapt attention on the screen, a tear escaping from her eye. He looked up at her from the screen at her, the wonder in his eyes quickly being replaced by concern.  
  
"Skye-?"  
  
She quickly moved her fingers up to his lips, silencing him. "Don't." He didn't.  
  
The ride back had been as silent as the ride there. When Jax parked the car he watched, Skye quickly headed to the house, leaving him to slowly follow. When he got inside, she had already disappeared down the hall and into her room. He could see that her door wasn't fully shut but he didn't go after her, instead he occupied himself with making lunch. By the time he was done making lunch and set it on the table, Antoinette had yet to come back out as he had expected.  
  
"Skye, lunch is ready!"  
  
No answer.  
  
"Skye?" Jax called, heading down the hall, again receiving no answer. He pushed the door to her room fully open and entered not seeing her. He checked her bathroom but still no Skye. His stomach churned with worry, and he hurriedly headed back down the hall, wondering if she had gone out the front door without his noticing. He only got as far as the end of the hall when something caught his eye, the white door, white and red with a rose, wasn't closed tight but was slightly cracked open.  
  
He reached out and applied a slight amount of pressure to the door; it swung open to reveal her standing in the center of the room, completely still. Taking a few hesitant steps forward, he expected Skye to turn around and face him or at the very least say something and was surprised when she didn't respond in any way.  
  
"Skye?" He reached out a hand towards her, barely touching her shoulder causing her to jump and pull away, spinning around. Across her face were streaks of tears and in her eyes he could see strikingly clear emotion of a tortured sadness and fear that made him want to turn away, it hurt him to see that there in her eyes. Slowly her eyes clouded once again, closing the window to her soul as she focused on him, waiting for him to say something.  
  
"Lunch is ready, I thought you'd like to know," he offered weakly, unsure of what else to say.  
  
"I'll be there in a second."  
  
Jax nodded, and back away from her as she turned to look around at the room, her eyes taking in every detail. He exited the room, his entire body relaxing, releasing the tension he hadn't even noticed was there.  
  
He returned to the kitchen and in a few moments she joined him, completely composed, her face washed clean of the evidence of her tears. Yet, for everything that hadn't changed between them, the same unspoken silence, he couldn't help but noticed the brief glance she had given him when she sat down, a look he couldn't describe but for some reason gave him a feeling of change, almost a feeling of foreboding. He couldn't help but feel that she had come to a decision about something or at the very least had decided yes was going to make some sort of decision, an action perhaps that would bring a real change to everything. If that was the case, it simply became a matter of if whatever it was, was a good thing, at least what he hoped it would be a good thing. 


	21. Chapter 20

~Blood Rose~  
  
Remember that I love you,  
  
as your lifeless body I hold.  
  
Remember that I love you,  
  
as you walk down streets of gold.  
  
(From Kinsey, Rachel: Remember that I Love You)  
  
Chapter 20:  
  
Antoinette had stayed at the destination of her walk later than usual, needing to be there a little longer after being in town with Jax, seeing their child kicking and moving. The sun had disappeared over the horizon and she half expected to come across Jax on her way back, worried at her lateness. She wasn't sure what to feel when she didn't see him, she hadn't wanted him here with her, she didn't want to cause him that pain. She hadn't wanted to cause him any pain though she knew she would when she left, but she had thought it would be better, that in the long run she would be saving him some pain not watching her die and possibly their child.  
  
She climbed the wooden steps up to the beach house. She had once said that she didn't have a home, that she never really had had one, she had lied. This place was once her home in every way, she had been so happy here, a happiness she had never expected to receive, a happiness she never expected to have again. As she approached the back door, she couldn't help but notice some of the foreboding she had felt before was gone, and had been gone for quite some time, ever since he had come.  
  
She was grateful for him being here, for his unspoken support and care. It made her feel safe having him there, a comfort that no matter what happened he would make sure their child would live and be happy, though she would not be there to see it. Such thoughts only made her feel worse, that she got so much from his presence and all he received was pain. True she was also in pain, pains she had always carried buried with in her depths brought out in her circumstance.  
  
Upon walking into the house, quickly passing the threshold, she was surprised to find that Jax wasn't there and briefly wondered if he had left her, not that she deserved him to stay or that for one moment truly believed he really would leave, she knew better. She called out to him, walking into the living room, then stopped short.  
  
He was asleep on the couch, sprawled out with one of her child development books beside him. She smiled looking at him, feeling guilty that he had not gotten the sleep he needed last night. Crossing the distance between them she gently lifted the book out of his sleeping grasp and set it on the ground, kneeling beside him.  
  
"I do love you, you know," she whispered to his sleeping body, reaching up a gentle hand to trace the outline of his face, careful not to wake him. Laying her head beside his, she watched him sleep from the gentle rise and fall of his chest to his occasional head movement.  
  
She knew that keeping him closed off was hurting him, knew that he deserved more.  
  
Long ago she had closed the door to her soul, not just from those around her but in a way to herself. Now in her current circumstance the only half healed wounds and her greatest pains that had never truly been far were seeping out from the boundaries she had set, making her relive so many emotions she had tried to forget. She wanted to be able to explain to him that nothing was about him, wanted to get him to understand to leave it be, though she knew he wouldn't.  
  
Only a few hours before she had been thinking that she owed him at least some explanation, something to ease the pain she was causing him. But how could she let him in to things she herself refused to relive? She was torn within herself, wanting to protect herself as well as him, protect him from knowing everything about her, and undoing some of the pain she'd caused even at the price of her own. The situation was so complicated, with so many unknowns.  
  
Somehow she had to attempt to meet him halfway, she couldn't bear the pain she was causing him and perhaps letting him in with what she could handle would help her too. Jax had proven to her that he was capable of more understanding then she had ever received before, maybe if she let him in a little he could get a broad enough grasp that she needed to be cold in some ways, that she was handling so much more than he thought, and with him understanding that she wouldn't feel the guilt that had been plaguing her with every glance at him.  
  
Her thoughts were confusing, filled with so much she couldn't deal with and so much she herself didn't really understand. Watching him sleeping there, so close before her, she steeled herself to take a leap of faith.  
  
"Jax?" She stood up, leaning over him, gently shaking him, too afraid to not take action while she felt she had the strength, the ability to do what she was about to do.  
  
Jax opened his eyes groggily, looking up to find Skye looking down at him, an uneasy look in her eyes. He got up quickly, standing beside her a thousand thoughts of worry crossing his mind.  
  
"Skye, is everything alright? Are you ok?" He looked deep into her eyes, searching for answers to his questions, slightly relaxing when she gave him a negative response  
  
She took his hands in hers and began walking backwards, pulling him along.  
  
"Come with me, please?"  
  
There was almost a sense of desperation in her eyes, a begging quality that scared him.  
  
"Of course, where are we going?"  
  
"Just follow."  
  
She released his hands, turning her back to him and heading out of the house, and down towards the beach.  
  
Jax wasn't sure where she was taking him, he guessed to where ever she went on her long walks. She was barefoot, walking with in the wake of the gentle waves several feet ahead of him, not bothering to look back to make sure he was still there, trusting he wouldn't leave. He was surprised when she wordlessly turned from the beach, heading for a grassy embankment. There was a sandy trail slanting up it, which led Skye, and himself, to the top.  
  
She waited for him there as he caught up with her, then headed off again, her eyes on the worn path before her. He took a moment to follow her, his gaze had gone away from her, following the half hidden trail to it's destination. A graveyard.  
  
He quickly caught up with her, trudging through the grasses in order to be at her side. He didn't dare say anything, it was obvious to him that whatever she had set her mind to was taking a lot out of her, subject to change if her resolve fell.  
  
Upon reaching the fence surrounding the graveyard Jax felt an involuntary chill go down his spine. The sun had already disappeared below the horizon when they'd began their journey and it was getting increasingly dark. He was glad that it was on uncommonly clear night allowing the shining stars and bright half moon light the landscape around them. He stepped a little closer to Skye has she reached out to push open the gate before her, and stayed close to her as they walked pass numerous graves, unable to keep from remembering his nightmare from months ago.  
  
Antoinette was aware of Jax beside her, walking with her stride for stride. She knew where she was going, a blindfold would not have slowed her pace, she knew every step by heart. She quickly passed by a number of graves, only one held meaning to her, one small grave set under a tree in the corner marking a piece of her heart.  
  
She slowed as she approached, stopping Jax with a glance, communicating with her eyes for him to wait. She approached the gleaming granite, settling to her knees before it. She reached out and traced the familiar words engraved upon it.  
  
Roslyn Anglique  
  
Patterson  
  
'In Heaven with Wings'  
  
Turning away from the grave she found Jax standing patently a few feet away. She held out a hand to him and he moved forward to grasp it, settling down beside her, looking at her with a mixture of confusion and worry.  
  
"Jax, meet my daughter." 


	22. Chapter 21

~Blood Rose~  
  
a painful reminder that life is not continued from beyond,  
  
but from the depths of a soul's breath;  
  
where privacy becomes secrecy,  
  
and secrets are revealed in order to exhale.  
  
(From Michael: Secrets Exhaled)  
  
Chapter 21:  
  
A cool breeze crept through the open window, brushing away the sheer draperies. Jax awoke to the fresh smell of salty air. He looked down to where Skye was sleeping amazingly peacefully, wrapped up in his arms. It felt so good to have her there, the warmth of her body mixing with his own. He could almost drift away into his own peaceful slumber, almost. The night before weighed too deeply on his mind to simply let it go.  
  
~Last Night~  
  
Skye reached out her hand towards Jax and with out hesitating he took it in his own, coming to his knees beside her, waiting for her to tell him why they were in this cemetery at night. There was a clear look in her eyes, no clutter of emotions or thoughts, her features spoke of a purpose, there would be no turning back. Taking in a slow breath she paused a short moment, then spoke.  
  
"Jax, meet my daughter."  
  
An eternity seemed to pass as those words hung echoing in the space between them. She looked up at him waiting patiently for his response. He was lost within himself, there were no words that his tongue seemed able to form, no clear thoughts pausing long enough to detach themselves from the tangle of his mind to make sense of her words and their full meaning.  
  
He looked at the tombstone, dark shadows making it difficult to read but in the slight glow of the celestial lights above, he could just make out the inscription.  
  
Roslyn Anglique  
  
Patterson  
  
'In Heaven with Wings'  
  
Roslyn. Rose. The image of a white door with a painted rose came to mind, the image of the room beyond it with a white bed, stacked boxes, and beyond that something be hadn't been able to identify till now, mostly covered by the items in front of it, with white bars. The pieces to an unmade crib.  
  
Jax turned away from the slab of stone, standing strong in the sea of surrounding darkness, a monument to its story, the story of a life. He found Skye still staring up at him, her eyes carrying an unspeakable depth into her soul. As he looked at her he did the only thing he could think to do, reaching his arms out he pulled her to him, holding her tight. He wasn't sure if he did this in a reaction to give her comfort or himself, he rather suspected a little of both.  
  
If he had expected her to cry he might have been surprised when she didn't, but he really didn't have any expectations at all, he couldn't think straight enough, didn't have enough answers to the all the questions that had sprung up to have any expectations.  
  
She rested her head in the crook of his neck, allowing him to hold her as close to himself as the third life present would allow.  
  
Time passed slowly in an endless silence until Skye shifted against him, quietly pulling away. She brought up her hand, pressing her fingers to her lips, then reached out and gently touched the grave before standing up. She walked away, not waiting for him, trusting that he would follow, and he did.  
  
As they had come, so they went, her a few feet ahead her gaze far away, and him coming behind watching her constantly.  
  
When they had reached the shore before the beach house, he had stayed behind on the sand, watching the waves roll in, then out, while she had gone up to bed. He had tried to fit everything together, to make sense of all the pieces he had to the mysterious puzzle that was Skye, but he was observant enough to know that there was still too much he didn't know to claim any form of understanding, at least any she would accept.  
  
After some time had passed he had gone up the wooden steps and inside, and headed to her room. The door had been open, and he had gone inside with out thought, discarding some of his outerwear and crawled beside her on the bed. She had been awake and while she didn't resist, she didn't respond when he pulled her to him. She had let him into an area he had no doubt had never been opened before; he knew it had to be hard, her opening up, and he was grateful for her trusting him. He also knew he had to be patient, barriers had been let down but there were many more before him.  
  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
When Antoinette opened her eyes to the morning light, she found that she was still in the arms of Jax as she had been when she fell asleep. She tilted her head up, seeing that his eyes were shut, though for some reason she couldn't explain, she knew he was awake, simply lost in thought.  
  
She brought her head down onto his chest and felt his grip tighten about her for a moment, then release her. It had taken a lot for her to tell him what she told him, not just in telling him but in effort it had taken to get herself to decide to tell him and yet for all that, nothing had been done to prepare her for what to do afterwards. She didn't think she could have handled thoughts of that nature, it cost her so much with the first step, but now she had no choice. She couldn't take back what was done, nor keep things as they were. There would be questions, so many questions, and memories she's hid from resurfacing.  
  
Perhaps it had been foolish to start this path when it was so dire for her to remain stress free, but then if she waited, there would be no second chance. She was fighting against time to show him what he deserved to be shown, to make sure he didn't fall into the despair he had with Brenda, she wouldn't leave him to that. Their child would need him, and hopefully someday he would choose a woman that would be a proper mother, give her child the love she wouldn't be able to show from the world beyond.  
  
She was tired, so tired. Closing her eyes, she fell asleep once again, a mercifully dreamless sleep. 


	23. Chapter 22

~Blood Rose~  
  
After time my house grew quiet and  
  
The sun began to shine  
  
No skeletons in my cupboard  
  
Love and happiness were all mine...  
  
And in my haste I hacked down the door  
  
I'd escaped that living hell  
  
To find my hidden secrets..  
  
Very much alive and well.  
  
(From Annie: Hidden Secrets)  
  
Chapter 22:  
  
Rae began her morning routine as she always did, rolling out of bed, feeding Opacus, and checking her email. When Jax had taken off he'd left a request for her to stay at the townhouse in the guest room so someone would be there, as well as to take care of the cat. She had been in Port Charles at a lot longer than she had intended and had to do away with her obligations in Lanview, at least for now but she doubted she would have been able to be of any use to Lanview if she had been there for her mind wouldn't have consented to stay there.  
  
She had received an email weeks ago from Jax, saying that he had found her, she was all right, and he was staying where she was. Where that happened to be she did not know and she had the feeling she wasn't meant to, nor anyone else. Though she hated not knowing, she did feel perhaps it was best that no one else other than Jax had found Skye, he was there with her, that had to be a good sign. She had convinced Adam and the Quartermaines to call of the search and trust Jax to handle it, that if they found her and all went down upon her it would only do harm.  
  
About once a week she got an email which she passed on from Jax, it was never anything astounding, always just a brief message to let her know everything was ok. She wished he would offer more information, give her details to reassure her, but she rationalized if it was important and he knew about it he would tell her; it was the question of how much Jax really knew, how much Skye would let him know considering how she'd left, that really worried her.  
  
Sighing, she looked through her inbox, snapping to attention when she recognized a certain address. Waiting somewhat impatiently for it to come up, she cursed her laptop for good measure. When at last the message loaded up, she saw the reason for it's delay. There wasn't just a message, but a black and white photo, a sonogram of her grandchild, seven months in her daughter's womb.  
  
Across the country…  
  
Jax stood out on the deck, watching the waves drift in and out from the open sea. He glanced down the deck to the end of the house where lacy window coverings could be seen being pushed in and out of the open window by the light sea breeze. Skye often left her window open at night, letting in the cool air, though had it not been for her body next to his he didn't doubt the night would have been too cool for his tastes.  
  
He had left her sleeping quietly, glad she was getting some restful sleep. In his hand he held the sonogram of his child, his unborn baby laying in wait within the woman he loved. Most men preparing to become a father for the first time would be waiting with joyful anticipation, excitedly picking out names, preparing the nursery, being forced into attending Lamaze classes, but not him. Instead he waited in fear for the life of the child and woman he loved, caught in not knowing what to say or do, unable to dare even bring up the question of names or a nursery.  
  
He didn't know how to approach what had happened the night before, or anything really that had happened since even before Skye had left. He knew some of the blame for whatever was inhibiting her from talking to him was his own fault; after all there were things he had never opened up to her about preferring to leave it in the past. They had grown close quickly, developing a relationship neither had experienced with out ever stopping to put it all into words, to express their feelings attempting to display them with they way they kissed and touched. That approach had been wonderful and amazing but left gaps unabridged over an endless depth that separated them and yet connected them. There was much to Skye he knew now more than ever he didn't know, and he hated himself for that. He should have opened up himself and encouraged her to open up more than she had being aware of his fears of doing so yet not letting it disable their growth into one.  
  
Time was hardly endless, and he had a growing feeling that it was running out. For some reason he couldn't explain he felt if bridges weren't created to cross the chasm between them, the broken seams sealed, he would lose her forever.  
  
Turning away from the gray sea, he headed inside to check on Skye, feeling the sudden need to see her, to make sure she was there.  
  
Antoinette stood silently, frozen in indecision, in front of the door, the door with the rose. She wasn't sure how long she'd been standing there; she had awoken to find that Jax was no longer in her bed and had gotten up to find him. She had only gotten so far as this door, a barrier and a constant reminder of how her like had once been and how it had been shattered.  
  
Slowly she applied pressure to the door and it swung open readily at her touch. Yesterday she had found herself standing in this room unable to move from the center, torn with pain and memories. Yesterday was a long time ago.  
  
Each step was hard, forced, but she didn't allow her own emotions to keep her back from her purpose, her reason for venturing into this haunting room. Closing across the room, she knelt down in front of one of the boxes. Reaching in a delicate hand she pulled out the object she had wanted, and quickly retreated from the room. She shut the door firmly, resting her hand on the painted rose for a moment, then turning away from the door, and found Jax standing before her. 


	24. Chapter 23

~Blood Rose~  
  
"And even before my brain, lingering in consideration of when things  
  
had happened and of what they had looked like, had collected sufficient  
  
impressions to enable it to identify the room, it, my body, would  
  
recall from each room in succession what the bed was like, where the  
  
doors were, how daylight came in at the windows, whether there was a  
  
passage outside, what I had had in my mind when I went to sleep, and  
  
had found there when I awoke."  
  
--Marcel Proust, "Remembrance of Things Past"  
  
Chapter 23:  
  
Jax looked at Skye with interest. She stood in the hallway with her arms wrapped protectively about what appeared to be an old photo album. He stared intently at her, watching her regroup herself after the surprise of finding him there. Following her with his eyes, he watched as she took a deep breath then walked around him into the living area and sit on the couch.  
  
With a gesture from her thin frame, Jax silently crossed the room and sat beside her. He took the album from her when she offered it to him, and after a questioning glance that went unanswered, opened it.  
  
A multitude of pictures looked up at him of a small babe. The first picture his eyes rested on showed a much younger Skye obviously exhausted and filled with joy holding a tiny infant snuggled to her chest. In another the baby's bight blue eyes were wide open looking at a woman Jax did not recognize with sandy blonde hair. Picture after picture before him were a moment recorded in time of a precious life immeasurably connected to the woman he loved.  
  
With each turning page Jax saw evidence of the growing child from her helpless infancy, to passing milestones of eating, crawling, walking, and birthdays come and gone. When he had learned Skye had lost a child, he imagined a miscarriage or her losing a baby barely out of her whom, not a child that had had a chance to grow and begin experiencing life. Flipping through the pages, pausing to glance at every shred of time Skye was sharing with him, he watched the infant that had rested on Skye's chest grow during the passing of a few years into a beautiful strawberry blonde with bright blue eyes full of happiness and life.  
  
Antoinette watched Jax turn the pages of the album. She didn't have to look at the pictures to know what he saw, she knew everyone by heart and so much more. When Jax had reached the end of the album, she watched him shut the book and set it aside. She waited for him to collect his thoughts and questions she was aware he had as well as knew she wouldn't answer.  
  
When at last he turned to her to speak, she bent forward pressing her fingers to his lips, silencing him with her gentle action. He knew what she could tell him, could open up about at this point in time. He knew now that she had borne a daughter when she herself was a child in age, though in mind she had never truly been able to be a child, and that she had watched the child grow over the best years of her life. He could understand to a better degree carrying the child she now bore brought up memories and tears, more things than he was aware of and could hopefully respect how much he was unaware of.  
  
Despite what she knew she had put him through it was not about him, there was much that was hers alone and not for him. She would not burden him with all her secrets, for indeed there truly was so much he didn't know, but in less than two months time she expected to be gone from this world, he didn't need to carry all her pain in his memories.  
  
She had know she was hurting him, that he needed some level of understanding beyond her condition to accept in no way was anything his fault but to see there truly was much more than he had even imagined there to be in her baggage and she had given him the capacity of that understanding. She planned not on opening up any more doors; there was no need for all to be revealed. In her heart she felt he knew what he needed to know and that he could accept not holding all the answers.  
  
Pressing her fingers to his lips, Antoinette waited for the response she expected. Sure enough, after a moment he nodded in understanding. There would be no questions now, and though she knew he wasn't agreeing on never, she would only have to stall for so long.  
  
*~*~*~*~*  
  
It was a remarkably clear evening, the absence of the usually total cloud cover allowing the setting sun to bring pales colors aside from hues of gray and blue to the endless sky. Jax stood on the deck, leaning against the railing ignoring the chilling wind that moaned about him. Below him Skye stood were the waves met shore, cold water lapping over her feet. He would have worried about her being to cold as she wore nothing but a loose summer dress but he was aware of her battle with being too hot of late and knew the chilling air must have felt good to her.  
  
A month had come and gone since she had shown him the photo album with out further insights to her soul. He had so many questions for her that he longed to ask but knew to give her space. Opening herself up was a new world to Skye, a new experience unfamiliar and frightening. Judging by the first pictures in the album, Skye could hardly have been more than sixteen when she gave birth; he wondered who the father had been and of his absence in the album, how it was in the pictures Skye and the older woman, whom he guessed to be her adoptive mother, seemed to be happy together though he had always gotten the feeling of distance between Skye and that subject as if they hadn't gotten along. He would have wondered where Adam was if not for Adam's appearance in Pine Valley leading to him learning Adam hadn't been apart of Skye's life when she had been growing up thanks to a comment Rae had made, just another thing he hadn't know he felt he should have. However, the most important question was that of what happened to Roslyn but the answer to that question lie in the most dangerous territory to press upon Skye.  
  
In finding one thing about Skye the doors to many more questions and hidden secrets he had not foreseen stood locked before him but he knew that for now he must accept that for all he hated it. The best thing for him to do was simply trust in her and continue to stand by her while at the same time give her the room she required and wished for. She had continues to walk to her daughters grave every evening only now allowing him to go with. He never once witnessed her cry at the grave, instead simply kneeling beside it her eyes betraying her lost to memories.  
  
He shared her bed, if a line between true closeness was kept preserved, accompanied her on her walks, indeed was rarely apart for her side and if so had her with in sight as now yet he couldn't help feel an odd sensation that they were drifting further apart, the gap between them getting wider only more familiar so less glaring.  
  
Pulling himself from thought, Jax focused on Skye, her fiery, curly hair dancing in the wind and showing figure cast in shadow. He watched as she turned from the incoming waves, watched as she moved towards the old wooden steps, and watched in horror as she suddenly dropped to her knees, clutching her middle as her terrifying cry of pain was brought to his ears upon the chilling wind. 


End file.
